August Part 10 – 101 Reasons I Suck at My Job

Ok, well, 101 reasons might be a little overkill, but I definitely am the luckiest and unluckiest girl in the world that the bossman is my Dad. Unlucky, in a way that most of you wouldn’t necessarily understand. Some kids that work from their parents are spoiled brats, are overpaid, don’t actually work, and do whatever the hell they want. That is the perception that most would assume. 


On the other hand, there are the others that their parents hold a much higher expectation to do a good job and do it right. I am on this side of the spectrum. I don’t mind this because that’s how I am and I hold myself to a high standard and am a good worker… usually… not so much right now. One of the other employees makes a boo-boo, that’s cool. Me, it’s a long lecture making me feel like a complete moron. It is also hard because like I have said in a few past posts, I think it is sometimes really hard for my Dad to grasp what I am capable of right now. But to be fair, I am not honest until it is too late most of the time and don’t let anyone know I am having a really bad day from the start.


I am lucky that I have a job. No one in their right mind would try to keep me and there are plenty of reasons now for getting fired. And a horrible recommendation letter LOL No… my Dad can be grumpy, and anxious, but he isn’t a jerk deep down. Anyways, my mind is gone. Before I started my drips, I was finally being able to get in the routine of waking up when my alarm would go off, even though at roughly 10 at night I get a burst of energy and my klonopin and heart medication that makes me drowsy lost that special effect at least til midnight or so. Tired, but on time. 


Now, it’s back to my habit of being dead to the world, and not being able to get out of bed. Whatsoever. My alarm is loud and right near my head, so I have no idea how I can’t even hear it for the several times it goes off (if goes off every 5 minutes if you don’t shut it off). Then, it’s tubby time for me. Way more time consuming then hopping in the shower. It’s not like I sit and relax in a bubble bath either. Wash up real quick with press and seal wrap on my chest, I don’t wash my hair, just shave my pits and then I’m ready to go for the day. But wait… IV drips in the morning. Another 45 minutes. So.. an hour and a half late, I finally make it to work… on a good day!


Luckily, one of my good friends gave me an additional IV pole to do my IV’s. I told my Dad I wanted to just do them there, and he said no. But now, he is entertaining the idea since my 45 minute IV’s in the morning will be turning into nearly 2 hours next month. I can do them there. I am on a computer, my IV’s are hands free. He doesn’t want me any later. Hahaha. At least I have the type of job I need to just get stuff done…. a little less restrictive. I am a bookkeeper, but I run the office side of the business. 


Now we get to the additional sucky-ness of my work. Every Sunday and Wednesday, I print out and write dates on what we call our “shithead list”. These are the accounts that are past due, so when my Dad takes orders he can give the dates and amounts for a check. Well, several times lately, we have gotten a call back saying that such and such an invoice is paid, check #, etc. I look it up. Just kidding guyssss, and I mark it as paid. But that is never a good thing to do to a customer. 


Some of our customers prefer to get their invoices emailed to them so they get them quicker than a hand delivery on their next order or a mailed copy. No problem going green! 🙂 Also occurred recently, I emailed a customer their invoice. There are quite a few of them so I usually write a list and cross them off. Their addresses I start to type in and it fills in the rest of the info. Most of this stuff is engrained in my fuzzy mind. Anyways, I shortly get an email back from the customer, “That’s not my invoice”. You’re right, no it’s not, you dumbass. So, let’s try this again. Type in invoice number. Resend. 10 minutes later…. “That’s not my invoice either.Damnit! Son of a bitch!  Well, third time’s a charm, and I finally got it right. 🙂


Now, when I do all my work, like entering the hard copies of the invoices into the computer. It is a wholesale business; they price when they get product as it changes daily, give the customer the bottom invoice and bring me the original copy when all the deliveries are done. Everything needs to be checked. I check it more than once but seem to have a dyslexia thing going on. $12.65 is now $16.25. But I don’t see the mistake. Even after very carefully checking my work, line for line. 


Creating invoices to do a purchase summary has started to be a pain in the butt as well. A purchase summary will show what needs to be ordered on that particular day, and what truck it needs to go in. I am getting product numbers mixed up and having to look up product numbers that I used to know by heart. I enter customers in for the wrong item a lot too. Fortunately, almost everything is a repeat order and there aren’t any surprises as to what they are going to get. So it is caught when the merchandise is picked up… most of the time. It’s a pain if you booger it up because it is food, so you got to fix the problem… it’s not an item that can sit in a warehouse for days. 


I do a print out every delivery day to figure out total sales and whatnot minus expenses to see how the day was and I get a lot of things wrong. Inventory prices, writing dyslexically, that type of thing so the report makes absolutely no sense when I am done. Fortunately, I haven’t made any drastic mistakes on paying the bills. That’s a relief and a half. But either way, now all my work has to be checked by someone else. 


This sucks quite a bit. I feel like an idiot. I have been at this job for six years, was valedictorian of my College and I know I’m not an idiot. But definitely feel like one. I know what I am doing, I just can’t seem to figure anything out anymore. I get so tired and frustrated now, even though I work such short hours.  I look like I don’t take pride in my job or take it seriously. Just look at my desk and my file cabinet and you will see why. And I DO take pride in my job… if anything I have always been a perfectionist. You would never be able to tell that about me now. 



5 thoughts on “August Part 10 – 101 Reasons I Suck at My Job

    • It’s tough for sure but I feel like I would go crazier than I am sitting at home. Plus getting into the routine of just sitting at home, even as horrible as I can feel sometimes isn’t a good thing either. Just gotta do the best I can!

  1. Bravo for you to keep going, I don’t know how you do it :). I finally gave up and left my job about 10 months ago. I felt that my performance and attention to detail had fallen way below acceptable; if I had been my boss, I would have fired me :(. But the biggest thing was that physically, I just couldn’t keep the pace.

    I literally slept the first 3 months I was off. Not working has severely impacted our budget, but now I have time to study my illnesses to get better. And the best part has been having the time to shop, cook, and eat healthier, which has had a good impact on my body.

    I have a few co-infections too and therefore, don’t know if all my symptoms are specifically Lyme or the other stuff. I have really enjoyed reading your blog.

    As my mom would say, “push your chin up”

    • Thanks! I in some ways think it might have helped to stay home to not push myself, but we can’t live off of one income unfortunately. Have you noticed it help you symptom wise getting the time to solely focus on getting back to good health? I hope it has! Well wishes your way xo

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