I have been overdoing it lately, and I know it. A lot of people in their every day lives not only work a full-time job, but manage to take care of their kids, run errands, cook dinner, work out, have a social life…
I have learned since I have been sick, I need to pick and choose what I need to do. But some things just need to be done. Although I don’t work many hours anymore (I just recently worked my longest week in nearly a year, at 28 hours), I still have a lot I need to get done. I care about my job a lot, and I try to focus and put as much time in as I can to get my work done, especially not knowing what kind of day I will have the following day.
One day, although I might be in a lot of pain, which I have learned to hide over the years, be completely lucid, have minimal tics, and be able to get everything done. I feel like these are the days that I kick myself in the ass for. Work for a few hours, post office, cook, vacuum, laundry. Sounds simple right? The next day, I wake up over 2 hours late, my body can’t tolerate the pain and won’t allow me to do anything. I would love to “mind over matter” it, as that’s my main motto for getting through a lot of this, but if my body doesn’t want to work, it won’t work. I have horrible tics, and it is hard to even put a sentence together. These are the days that I end up having a seizure.
I actually did not have a horrible time on my Wednesday trip to DC. I never even used a wheelchair at the airport! Already an improvement, but I think it also helped as Jet Blue is a great airline and they move things right along. No waiting around forever. I slept on the plane on the way there, but I still doing okay.
We were early to DC and Dave really wanted to explore a little, and I gave him a big fat no. I didn’t want to overdo it, plus it was so hot and muggy out. Instead, a small bistro and got a snack, an unsweetended ice tea, and sat in the air conditioning. Pick and choose.
At the Dr’s, I was having my tics more than usual, but I think part of that was A) my new IV B) The elevator, which tends to always fuck me up or C) Stress. I tic a lot worse under stressful situations. Talking to Dr. J is one of them… especially after reading his opinion that although I was pleasant, I looked like crap and was slow at my responses like a big ol’ idiot. LOL Plus he is kind of a big deal… at least in the Lyme community.
I was all finished with my appointment and we got a taxi to bring us to the airport. We were over 2 hours early. The woman at our check-in said there was a flight to Boston finishing up boarding, there was room, and at no charge they would change our flights. Of course, way, way, far away was the terminal. Okay, we can do this. RUN.
One a side note : Kimmie doesn’t run when she is healthy. Not that I never worked out before, as I use to a lot, but I hate running. Unless I am getting chased by a bear (highly unlikely while sitting on the couch all god damn day) you won’t see me run. One of my best friends can vouch for that, she tried to get me running with her and she would park at the local High School and run mile or so to my house and I would meet her while she was running by and I basically make it out of my driveway and down the road enough so Dave could no longer see me and laugh, pant completely out of breath, and do a speed walk to keep up with her.
But that day, I ran. The most activity you have seen out of me since my diagnosis in September 2012. And we made it.! And I overdid it. On the plane, they probably thought I was crazy or dangerous as I was making all sorts of noises. Bababababa! (my new stutter tic when trying to talk) Ahhh! *Clap* My knees on fire. Feet like Jello. Fingers hurt, right eye pain. Shoot me now. But home early 🙂
Hahaha I look terrible. As you can see me on the plane, I am spent. But pretty damn excited we were early by my goofy smile. You can also see I really need to wash my hair. I wonder if that will be in my mailed notes this month. “Thriller dance, sounds like porky pig, greasy hair”.
I’m not the smartest cookie in the world. I made 2 appointments the next day after flying back from DC. My first appointment, a depo provera shot a town over, the farthest drive I have made since my diagnosis.
The second, with Dr. S. for an adjustment, which was needed after 2 flights and my Olympic marathon sprint across the airport.
And.. don’t forget the hair. Needs a wash. Bad. And a good bath was very needed. I forgot press and seal wrap to take with me on my trip so my bathing was a quick wash cloth wipe down. Add “stinky” to my notes too.
AND…. I had to pick my dog up at my parents. AND… I completely forgot payroll, and I am pretty sure the guys were planning on getting paid this week. Damnit.
I made it through it all okay until I got to Dr. S’s office. I was pretty loopy and out of it. Once I got home and finished everything for the day, couch time. Lactated Ringer. My body ached, my joints hated me and the bottoms of me feet felt like chards of glass. Pretty sure that is a bartonella issue.
Things I forgot to do: get mail, get new prescriptions. Whatever. Another day. Remind me to not overbook things again. My head felt like it was going to explode.
And of course I might not be making the wisest decision today either. Work work work. Dinner with friends planned. Get gussied up with my friend before we go. She will look awesome, and I will look hungover, but with a cute outfit at least. A day to NOT forget my seizure meds. But I was smart enough to forewarn her I needed to lay down for awhile before she comes over. I have to pace myself.
I just keep doing this to myself, even though I am not running around like I use to. Back in the day I felt like superwoman, working two jobs, cooking dinner, doing all the grocery shopping, cleaning, running errands. Wait on second? Dave had it pretty good! 🙂 hahahaha Now it’s his turn for awhile.
I think I am most afraid of not even being able to do what I am doing right now, even though I am far from being independent, I try my darndest. I also feel like I am making up for lost time when I couldn’t even do half the stuff I do now. I want to get everything done if I one day can’t. That’s a big IF. But there is no way of knowing what the future holds for me. It’s a hard battle to balance things out, but I need to just take a step back, and try to relax. And keep being friends with my couch… for now. 🙂