As mentioned in my post about my recent trip to DC, one of the focuses this month was to get me a little less crazy. Dr. J asked me what bothered me the most, and I told him the uncontrollable rage (Dave nodded his head and said, “Yeah, me too!) and the crying spells for absolutely no reason. He asked me if the hallucinations bothered me and I answered him honestly that they really didn’t, even if they do, if that makes sense. I mean, I know they aren’t real. I know I am completely fucked in the head, especially when I write it down that I see things that aren’t there, but I can’t do anything to change it. I can only hope I will get well one day. Dr. J. said he believed the issue is swelling of the temporal lobe part of my brain that is making me this way. Great. Sensory and motor seizures in my brain and now temporal lobe issues. My head is just a plain ol’ mess.
So, he prescribed me Abilify to see how it worked for the month. Of course, time for a Google search! I went on their website to find out some more info. I knew it was an antidepressant but the issue isn’t depression that they are after. I am actually not depressed, despite what I have been going through. So a little further in their “Other Conditions” category.. Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia. The medication is thought to level out dopamine and other chemicals in your brain.
Hmmm…. gee thanks? I know that it is to stabilize my mood, make me not such a bitch, and stop making me see things that aren’t really there but seeing those terms on the screen of my computer, much like writing them really made me feel like a nut job.
Dr. S. seemed pretty excited to hear I was prescribed this so also another bummer to hear that he was so psyched the crazy girl was getting her crazy pills. Pshhh. He also asked if I had tried them yet, and I hadn’t, since I saw him the following day after I got back from DC at 11:30 at night for my adjustment so I obviously didn’t have time to go get them. What was I suppose to do? Break into the pharmacy in the middle of the night and steal their Abilify? Or break in and take it politely with my insurance information and leave a check made out to the pharmacy? The answer is no, Dr. S, no.
It might be too early to tell, but I am pretty sure I don’t like it. I decided to wait until Tuesday to take it for the first time, as I started my two IVs and my oral antibiotic on Monday. If I felt weird on Monday I wouldn’t know if it was the antibiotics or the Abilify that was messing me up.
The first 3 days I have taken it, even at the lower doses I have been by far WORSE in the anger/rage department. I haven’t seen any weird bugs that aren’t really there, but like I said although it sucks that it happens (but shit happens anyways), that is not my main concern. People around me for long enough will surely have to deal with the “wrath of Kimmie”.
The first day, I got in a huge fight at work and the same with the second day. I get so frustrated as it is and have the hardest time concentrating and getting things right, and as I am stuck on a report, my Dad comes in to use the phone (note there is several other phones in the house, 3 or 4 of which are business lines) and starts talking AS LOUD AS HE POSSIBLY CAN. *Mind explodes* “Get the fuck out of the office, use another room, you aren’t even working you are just talking to people from Boston!” Response, “It’s my fucking office, I will do what I want in it.” Well then. And it continued on until I was going to either cry or stab him with a letter opener. Probably just cry and go home…. but either way.
Same with the following day. I had to get a blood draw, was literally pricked in both arms and both my hands to get it because my hospital hasn’t trained the labs to draw from a line and the 3 departments that they offered to call weren’t available to help. Already in a bad mood. Not their fault though, I warned her I have tiny veins and it is a pain in the butt. My Dad called me literally like 5 times as he completely forgot I told him I had to go to the hospital after my infusion. I know he called because he wanted to make sure I was okay, but I got snippy with him and told him he didn’t listen. Ugh, I hate being so mean to my Dad…. especially since he helps me so much.
Thursday I felt so awful, and I had plans to sleep in but couldn’t in the slightest bit. One reason to make me grumpy. Then, since it was my day off (who am I kidding I still went to work for a few hours to stay sane), I decided I needed to get cracking on booking my flights.
Priceline here I come! Found what I needed. Decided to do two one ways was a little cheaper, and I wanted to stay with Jet Blue. Boston to DC, check! DC to Boston… “conflicting with other flight”… account will not be charged. What? Try again with another Airline, same message. Son of a bitch.
Generally I would be a normal person and figure this out, but instead this is what happened……
So I call Priceline, and of course their thing is all automated and so confusing, and I start getting really pissed off. Like black out mad. I kept hitting wrong buttons and they kept directing me to the beginning again. At this point I was screaming into the phone, even though it was just an automated service and bawling my eyes out. Almost a blessing completely forgot about my dog and left him outside LOL. I look on their website and FINALLY find a number for a real person.
I talk to the woman, and 45 minutes into the phone call she says my August 18th, 2013 flight as well as my Hawaii trip that I never took but got credit for has been canceled. WHAT? Ummm, lady, that was the last flight I took, did I hop into Michael J. Foxes Delorean and travel back in time? At this point I literally flipped out at her, started bawling my eyes out again on the phone and told her I was very sick and didn’t have time for her shit.
She finally got her information straight and canceled the correct flight. I began to flip out again because I wanted to make sure I was to be credited the money, made her to give me her name and told her if my money wasn’t in my account I would call her manager and get her stupid ass fired. Real nice, KimmyCakes.
Lyme rage at it’s finest.
I waited until evening and went to Jet Blue’s website, same flights, no confusion or “conflicts” of flights, tickets on computer already. Done and Done! Ugh, it is making me pissed off even thinking about it.
And Dave… poor, poor Dave. In my path of destruction. He has been hiding in his shed with the dog for the past few days. Last night was the first night he stayed in with exception of being outside for a short period. I get so snippy with him for the littlest things and call him names relentlessly. I can’t help it. The words literally just spill out, which I refer to as “word vomit”.
He knew I was having a horrible day symptom wise, I didn’t even make it out for our Thursday night wings. I stayed home and kept the couch warm. He did a good job cheering me up after the day I had. He came home with my favorite frozen yogurt frappe, and brought out my wedding dress from the closet and told me to try it on, and that maybe it would make me smile. And it did. 🙂
P.S. Since the day I took Abilify, I have not shit once. Like the 3rd side effect listed on the warnings. 4 days of nothing. Maybe that is why I am so crabby LOL TMI. But I know you all still love me 😉
P.P.S. Just realized I wrote this entire post with the TV Guide blaring, for the near hour it took to write this. So maybe I am a little crazy after all 😉
Have a great day y’all! 😉 🙂 😀