My last day taking my IVs and antibiotics was a long one, laying on the bedroom floor for who knows how long, it was a rough start and rough for the rest of the day. I think my fall from the previous day had me a bit more sore than usual and I just wanted to finish up work, and everything as quickly as possible and lay down. I spent who knows how long staring into outer space, my laptop on sleep mode, and listening to the TV guide’s soft, soothing music LOL. This seems to be a common occurrence with me. O
I could see the rainbows, butterflies and unicorns as the last few drips fell from my IV bag on Friday night. Let the holiday begin! I stayed up a little late, watching movies, and went to bed knowing a lactated ringer was in store, but no medications. Yay!
But, I have started to get a little crazy with a side of paranoia. Maybe it will change during my break, hoping so, but I never know what is going to happen. Let me explain….
You know that feeling when someone says something to you, which may seem insignificant and not hurtful at the time, but then it resonates and brews through your mind, throughout the day? I had one of those the other day.
My friend said, well texted, ” don’t you miss fun?” By the end of the evening, I was really hurt, and felt my health and how I was doing was really insignificant to her, and that I CHOOSE to be this way. I was sure that is not what she meant, but it was something you should not say, especially to your friend. *New thought for a blog entry – things not to say to someone with a chronic disease* Hmmmm…
Another note on this topic, I highly disagree with that anyways, I have held a high and positive attitude, try to always keep a smile on my face, and go above and beyond and tend to push myself too much. I mind over matter a lot of things to be able to do what I can. I am lucky I can push through things that many others cannot. And for a friend to say that to me, it just “irks” be beyond belief. Like I said, I knew it was probably not intentional, but hurtful all the same.
But here is the thing. The crazy and paranoia. I told Dave about how hurt I was and then Dave told me to show him the message. Dave told me, “I always stick up for you, but this time you are being delusional, read the WHOLE message.” And so I reread it. I never even remembered or read the first part of the message….
It said, “I WANT YOU TO GET BETTER, so we can all go to the fair, and have fun. DON’T YOU MISS FUN?” I was so fixated on that last small part of the message, that I thought up something in my head that was not real. I don’t even know why I would think that, but I did. She is one of my best friends, and I know she would never mean anything like that. For She comes over and helps clean and do my dishes. She held my hand to make sure I would make it down the stairs when I could barely walk. Why would I think that? I hate myself for thinking that way, making up scenarios in my head.
I have had other texting issues, I made a mistake by not reading the text about where and what time Dave and I were going to go to Chinese, and I read the message wrong, and we sat waiting at our house until I got a text wondering where we were. Needless to say, we were suppose to meet up at the restaurant……
It is a very good possibility I should not be doing texts anymore. LOL
On a good note, I got my packages in the mail! Woohooo! It was a UPS boo-boo. I was pretty psyched about that one! One less stress… and now a new added stress.
My insurance is dropping me. Once I saw the letter in the mail I immediately knew what it was. My preexisting condition insurance is apparently ending at the end of this year, when Obamacare kicks in. The paper I got in the mail states that now I cannot be denied for insurance, so I need to find another provider.
The issue being, I was denied through one provider, but the other provider that accepted me, with just “Lyme Disease” on their form, wanted to charge me over 600$ a month, and this was JUST FOR ME, NOT INCLUDING MY HUSBAND. Now my paper is going to be very long with medical conditions, so I can only imagine what the figure is going to be. With weekly blood work, prescriptions, dressing changes, and whatever tests I need, I need insurance. But over 600$ a month? I can’t afford that. I hyperventilated and bawled my eyes out when I thought the clothing package under $70 was missing. Now what am I going to do? Ugh. Maybe I will win the power ball. One can hope 😉
Another added thing I need to figure out. Nothing like being sick and having to sort all this stuff out. Good thing I like my insurance agent and she is helpful. I will send her the paper and see what my options are. I just want a good nine day break. Hopefully less eventful, to show progress to Dr J., but the crazies are not a good start, but of course, I will update you all 🙂