October Part 8 – Scared of Halloween

Thursdays are suppose to be my day off. Or I should say WERE suppose to be my day off. But working only a few short hours each day, I have been coming in on Thursdays. But I slept as long as humanly possible. I went to bed fairly early for me anyways, before midnight I believe! I took 2 klonopins instead of my one (they don’t actually help me fall asleep, but help me stay asleep), put on warm jammies, but wait… where oh where my fuzzy socks?!!!

 

Of course when you forget something like that when you are laying in bed, you immediately start to think about it. They were sitting on the bathroom floor. I forgot to put them on. But I was already in bed. I didn’t want to get up but I kind of bumped Dave enough to wake him up, and saw him moving around a bit.

 “Hey Babe?!! Are you going to the bathroom?!!!” 

“I wasn’t…” 

But I REALLY think you should go pee since you are already awake!” 

“Ok.. what do you want?” 

“My fuzzy socks, please and thank you” 🙂 And so he got up to go to the bathroom, and got me my fuzzy socks. And all was well with the world. I was ready for sleep. ZzzzZZZ

 

And that’s what I did. Until around 11:30. Didn’t wake up once. My poor dog, Chance, was looking at me like he had been crossing his legs for hours, as Dave doesn’t let him out in the morning. He went right to the door once I pried myself out of my warm comfy bed. 

 

Even with all the sleep, I felt like I hadn’t even went to bed, but I was still so happy I slept for that long. My body needs it badly. 

 

Packages were rolling in all day. My Clindamycin and a few extra tubings from Dr J’s, and a bunch of Halloween stuff I had ordered for a party we go to every year. As our stuff came in the mail, and even though it is a a few weeks away, I couldn’t help feeling really sad in the pit of my stomach. When I made it last year to the Halloween party, it was when I was starting to get really bad. But I made it. 

 

If you know Dave and I personally, you will know it is “our” holiday. We enjoy it way more than Christmas. It makes me so excited to put costumes together, as we definitely had to do some piecing to save money this year, but I think the end result will be really good. 

 

I am scared about how this will play out. The Halloween party that we go to every year is between 8-11, but I haven’t been “OUT” since that time a year ago. I am scared about loud music and noise, I am scared about lights, I am scared about getting around, I am scared of what people are going to think about me if I am not doing well and having my tics, I am scared something is going to happen, like a seizure. But I am determined to make it again. 

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This was our costumes from last year.. Jack and Sally from “The Nightmare Before Christmas”.  🙂 I had recovered from my Doxycycline but this was right around the start of my verbal tics and things continued to go downhill for me. 

 

Once I took care of all the packages that came in, I finished getting ready. My tics were starting to come back. Oy. I went to my favorite place to get coffee, Ahh! Ahh! Luckily I didn’t clap or I would have lost my coffee. LOL

 

When I got to work I stuttered quite a few times and did so throughout the day, and my mind just wasn’t there for what I needed to get done. 

 

Of course, sometimes things just can’t go smoothly. I couldn’t figure out why the numbers weren’t coming out right. So before my head exploded, I called it a day, and went home and waited for one of my best friends, A. to come over as I was going to try to tackle going to 4-5 wings this week. And I did. 

 

I felt a little loopy but I did okay. I was just glad I felt well enough to go, even though it’s early and not for long but I haven’t really been able to go for awhile and this past week has been not a ton of fun. When I got home, I was completely wiped out, but A. stayed for awhile, and we chit chatted. She could tell I was wiped out and she was wiped out from work so she left. I was ready for bed but my beloved “Grey’s” came on. I am a die hard Grey’s fan. 

 

I was sore and all my joints hurt, but the pain was not nearly as bad as it had been from the beginning of the week. Compared to the night before, the clock rolled around as I was wide awake yet exhausted, but I knew I would have to be up before I knew it. So I laid in bed in my warm jammies and I tossed and turned until I finally drifted off to sleep.

2 thoughts on “October Part 8 – Scared of Halloween

    • Ugh I wish! LOL I will probably post later today. I feel weird posting about how I am doing like 4 days later hahaha. I am so behind but I feel like if I concentrate too much my head just might explode haha

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