October Part 12 – Gimme a Break

Well, I did not get to bed until after 3 p.m. I think part of it might have been the fact that I did my B12 shot so late in the day. I have been up late a lot, but usually 1 a.m.  is my cut off. I have heard from a few people, “Well why don’t you go to bed earlier?”, and I think to myself, WOW, silly me, why didn’t I think of that? Goly gee, I am such a dumbass. 


I CAN’T sleep. After my sleep meds and my heart medication that makes me drowsy. It helps me stay asleep, but not actually go to sleep. 


Anywho, I woke up late but not nearly as bad as Monday. But it took me awhile to get ready. Massage day. I at least have the decency to shave my legs. LOL I made it to work, not on time, but not feeling like I was going to have anxiety. But then I saw the umpteen piles of crap on my desk that I needed to get done. Whyyyyyy?! Then I started to get pissed off. Swearing at the computer, just not having a super-fun time. 


I did what I could at work, and went to massage. I wanted to go home right after massage, wash my hair, take a quick bath and take a nap but I had to go back to work. It made me frustrated. I was clearly behind on everything, but slowly and surely the piles of stuff to do were going down. And then I get texts to try to reconcile an argument that myself and a friend had going on. My mind was about to pop. 


My Dad came in to check up on everything and as I was talking to him, I hit my arm against the desk, causing one of my bracelets to break. I lost it. It was my favorite one. My bracelet that my best friend gave to me for Christmas, that I have worn every single day since she gave it to me. 


I started yelling. “Why the fuck does everything happen to me?! My life is shit! I need a fucking break!!” 


I just threw it on my desk, wanting to cry as I was so overwhelmed with everything, and my Dad could tell I was having a hard time and he took my bracelet while I continued to try to finish my work. Just as I was all finished, my Dad came back in and handed me my bracelet. He fixed it for me. A big silver lining to my day.


I got home late, and Dave knew it was another rough one so he cooked me dinner. What a stand-up guy 🙂 I got my bath and hair wash in, and the friend that I was in an argument with came over and things got settled enough to move forward. That made me happy. I don’t like fights, I don’t like drama. That’s not who I am. So I was glad we had some sort of resolution. 


The rest of the night was a movie night. I went to bed a bit earlier, and did not let the day’s stress get to me. I thought as I laid in bed, although I have had better days, there was a lot of good, I just needed to look harder for it. 


My life ISN’T shit, everything DOESN’T happen to me, but you know what? I do need a break…. but I think we all do once in awhile. That is life. Realizing those things in a moment of calmness put me in a much happier place and I was able to drift off to sleep. 


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