November Part 23 – Back to the Grind – A Glimpse of Blue Skies?

Everything from this protocol was about to start over. I now know how to fight this battle as I had seen it 3 weeks before. I will show this protocol who’s boss.. well.. I am at least thinking it will be that way!

I started my day out with my Cipro IV as well as my Mepron, Artimisinin, Xylitol, Lactoferrin and Septra DS. I was being really methodical about taking my meds that morning as I wasn’t quite ready to be back to the grind!

I got some things done at work, then headed to my appointment for my dressing change. My skin was looking rather irritated again. For some reason, there was trouble attaching the tegaderm to my skin. I think maybe there was too much Nasonex barrier. Hmmmm..

The staff was kind enough to give me some extra clear tapes and medical tapes if I had any issues. G. thinks maybe the additional tape I keep having to put on is also causing some irritation so hopefully these will help. They are all wonderful.

I was really tired and had my usual fibromyalgia-like pain for the day but it was bearable. The fogginess also got to me, but mostly right after each of my IVs.  On my last IV, I had to try to get comfortable as I had the fun joys of not feeling my feet again.  Although not the best, it was by far not the worst start I have had. I am glad that the first day was smoother than the past few weeks I had faced.

Tuesday was an off-antibiotic day. Well, with the exception of my Lactoferrin and Xylitol, but those are naturals that work as antibiotics. So not a whopper of a day by any means.

And you know what? A glimpse of the “blue skies” that Dr. J promised appeared to me throughout the day.

It took me quite some time to get up and going for the day. Once I finally forced myself to get up, as my alarm was on snooze and going off every 5 minutes and I chose to keep hitting the snooze button, I got ready for the day an went to work.

At work, I felt like I was doing well and MULTITASKING.. Ha! That’s something I haven’t done in ions it seems, so I was happy as I felt like I was being productive and useful.

It was massage day. She had her work cut out for her after my Tinwoman feeling in my thighs, my feet issues, and lymph work. She told me my circulation issues were worse in my legs, which might explain the loss of feeling in my feet. She ended up doing a full body massage to address all of my issues. Coartem did a doozy on me, but I know it was doing something if my body was so full of toxins. A runny nose, and walking better, I headed home.

Dave and I cooked dinner together, which I actually LOVE. He is a better cook than I am. By cooking together, I mean that I basically set things up and he does the work. 🙂 There is something that I love about watching him cook. And it is always nice to see hear about his day at work, and talk about whatever comes to our minds.

We ate our dinner, watched TV and relaxed. Myself on the couch and him sitting in “his” Lazyboy chair.

At the end of the day, although I could have went to sleep like a normal person because I was indeed tired, I forced myself to stay awake. A feeling came over me, that I was feeling more like “me”.

I have a hard time feeling that way a lot of the time. I write my blogs, hopefully being enjoyable to all, talk to friends, family, and Dave, and have this sensation that I can hear myself talking, see myself moving… almost like I am a puppet.

Sometimes it is like having waves come over me, if that makes any sense. It goes away but it almost feels like something is jumping in my body and controlling things I say and do. I don’t think I am explaining it right but that is how I felt. I am sure other Lymies would know what I mean.

What I describe is called depersonalization.  I am also always fogged to a certain degree as well but I just try to push through it.

It is a terrible feeling to have especially considering I LOVE people. I like to listen to other people’s stories. I love my friends coming to me for advice. It makes me feel like my opinion matters.

But when you don’t know what to say, or can’t form a sentence that makes any sense to the context of the conversation, or in my case start stuttering like porky pig, that just doesn’t work out.

What also doesn’t work out is misunderstanding the conversation. Or seeming like I don’t listen. And I do listen. It matters to me very much.

So… needless to say, I didn’t want to go to sleep because I felt like I was “me”. It has been a long time since I have had complete mental clarity, although I hurt tremendously, I was so happy. I knew once I went to sleep and woke up again, the feeling of “me” would go away. Someday, I will wake up and that great feeling of being “me” will be there again. And again… and again.  🙂

A glimpse of “blue skies”, Dr. J? I sure hope so.

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