Hoping for a happy and healthy 2014. 🙂 2013 has certainly had its ups and downs for me.
I was so sick last winter, between surgery and its complications, deficiencies or dangerously high levels on just about everything that you could check off on a full bloodwork panel , acute pancreatitis for 6 months, drug induced hepatitis, tachycardia, heavy metal toxicity, finding out about genetic disorders I have, and of course the torture of Lyme and co-infections. *Takes a breath* And that was all in one year!
My tics were out of control, I was having constant seizures, and found myself incoherent, and needing wheelchair assistance most of the time. There was a point in which I gave up all hope, as I couldn’t understand that someone could feel so bad and not die. I wondered often if I would die in my sleep.
I have a very good LLND, Dr S, who I really believe changed the path for my future, as my other naturopath ( I had two) was literally destroying my body without a care in the world. He took caution and made sure I was okay with weekly and then biweekly monitorings and adjusted what was needed to help my body get back in working order. He then recommended me to meet Dr J. I am grateful that he told me I needed more help than he could give, especially with my severe neurological manifestations.
I met one of the world’s renowned Lyme specialists. I was almost starstruck the first time I met Dr J as he is a very big deal in the Lyme community. He follows a different protocol than others. I am being treated aggressively with things I have never tried before, and I am making a ton of progress.
I am able to run some errands now, more than one, as I use to have to pick where I wanted to go, and half the time I would drive there and just sit in my car and then drive right back home, because I knew I wouldn’t make it. I can now sit in a restaurant and have NO or very minimal tics. I can sit through a movie. This may sound sad to some, but this is my world now. Baby steps.
There are many things that I still struggle with and have new or stronger symptoms as it is different with each month’s protocol. I still have to bring my sunglasses with me wherever I go because the sun and fluorescent lights are piercing to my eyes. I live in the dark. My body aches, and sometimes I don’t have feeling in my feet and legs. I am still really foggy and deal with depersonalization on a daily basis. I sometimes still see figures and spiders that are not there. They do not bother me as I know they aren’t real, but it drives me crazy because I KNOW I am seeing things that aren’t really there. I still have days that seem unbearable. But now I know that I am not going to die. I use to wonder if I was. There were many days that I wasn’t so sure. I know now that I am going to be okay.
I have come a long way this year. It saddens me to know that although I have made it so far this year, I have a long way to go. I am hoping the new year really turns things around for me. I want my life back. I use to not think much of it, but now I think it was pretty amazing after missing out on so much and everything continuing on with that seems to be without me as my world, although slowly spinning now, had been completely stopped for much of this year.
I have learned this year, since I was diagnosed in September 2012, and had no idea what was to come, who my friends are the very hard way, and could now be a nurse based off of experience if it worked that way. I have learned what type of person I really was, and who I want to be. I have so many hopes and dreams for 2014. I know they all might not come true, but do know that I want to feel more like myself again. I feel like maybe I will have more blue skies after I pass these next few storms ahead of me.
You can see how much I have changed over the year. I am healthier now. I had a very rough start but am making my way in the right direction.
A new beginning. 🙂 Wishing everyone a Happy New Year!!!!!!!