I woke up on Tuesday and my tegaderm was gone. GONE! I tried not to panic and put another patch on. The biopatch, the little circle that goes directly over the insertion site to protect it somehow stayed, so that put me at ease a little bit that it might not have been directly open to my tee shirt… the air… my bedding.. dog hair… God damnit. Super start to my morning.
This was incredibly early for me to wake up, at 7:45. I had to keep sitting down when I was trying to put on my tegaderm because I was so lightheaded. I decided to get up anyways after I put on my patch, and do my IVs. Under three blankets in the living room, I was completely freezing. I checked the thermostat in between bags, as I am always terrified to wheel my IV pole around, and it said 74 degrees. So yup, definitely just me.
On the second bag, I fell asleep…until about 11:30. And guess what? The tegaderm came right off again. This time, off came the biopatch AND the stat lock was beginning to come off. The statlock is what keeps your line in place. Without it, your line can pull out, or further in. Both aren’t good things.
It was then that I decided to call the hospital. “Can you be here in 20 minutes?” “Umm yeah, sure!” Oh crap. I washed my face in the sink, wiped my pits, slapped deodorant on, and did the quickest leg shaving I could possibly do because it was massage day. I probably had streaks of leg hair, but at that point I really didn’t care.
I had to sit, as I felt like I was going to pass out again. I called work to let them know I wouldn’t be coming in until after my massage appointment, and by then, I felt a little less lightheaded and knew I had to get over to the hospital. Luckily, it is just a few minutes away.
I got it all fixed up. It was red and completely irritated, beginning to blister, which is probably why it fell off in the first place, but the tegaderm seemed to be sticking. Right after that, I had to hustle over to my massage appointment. I made it just in time!
It gives me really bad anxiety about being on time, so another thing to add to add rough morning. Once I was done my massage, that certainly showed me how painful my body really was, I went to work.
I was drained. Foggy. Sore. I just wanted to go home. There were a lot of things that had to be done though. The last day of the year means getting some final reports done to print out, inventory, etc. for the new year. My mom came in and helped me which I am so happy about because there is no way I would have gotten it done.
I was asked if I needed a ride home or for Dave pick me up, I didn’t feel good at all and it was getting dark out. I have had a really hard time driving in the dark for a few years now, and it was getting to be just about that time. No way, José. I am going to make it!
Dave could tell I felt horrible when I got home. By that time, I was shaking uncontrollably all over my body, and having a hard time talking. I had to shower and Dave stayed in there because he was afraid I would fall. He asked if I wanted him to bring the wheelchair in and I gave him a big NO, although that evening I really would have benefited from it.
I haven’t had a day that I could barely stand or walk at all in a very long time. It really made me sad. But in those moments I need to just realize it is part of the process and it is indeed working. It can just be beyond tough along the way. I just thought at this point it would be a little easier. A painful reminder of how sick I still am.
After my shower, covered by my Anchor Dry patch, my dressing came off AGAIN. This time I think it got wet. I really don’t know how, as my protective patch seemed to be sealed completely. The blisters on my chest from the irritation of the tegaderm burst. I was sitting in the bathroom, trying best to hold back my tears but failing miserably, and Dave came to my rescue.
He sprayed Nasonex on the irritated area and let everything completely dry. He cleaned the insertion site, put on a new and clean biopatch, and put a clear dressing on below where the irritation was in order to try to get my skin to heal.
I could hear the fireworks that my town had while I was laying on the couch. It hurt me inside that I knew all my friends were having a fun time ringing in the new year, while I was sitting on the couch.
I wrapped up the night with my IVs, with Dave by my side. He usually spends some time outside working on his truck but he knew I really shouldn’t have been alone, and didn’t want to be alone while doing them. I stayed up until midnight, hopeful that this year could be a turning point for me. I have a feeling that this year will be different, I am sure of it. I just know that this past year has been the hardest of my life.