Friday was not a good day. I woke up and felt like death. Damnit. I let Chance out and had to go lay down. I forgot how cold it was, so I had to get right up and let him back in. I had to sit next to the door before I transferred myself back to the couch. Dry heave dry heave. Oh, this should be fun. I took a Marinol with a few sips of almond milk.
I took a half ass bath, and couldn’t get out of the tub. I didn’t have the strength to pull myself up. I tried and tried, thinking to myself, I’m going to be stuck here til Dave gets home! After I took a break, I finally had enough strength to pull myself up.
I took all my morning meds and antibiotics, and followed it up with a b12 shot in hopes it would give me some energy.
I made it to work okay, but I was completely feeling terrible. I was stuttering, and forgot everything that was said to me. For some of the morning, I had to wear my sunglasses in the office as the lights were giving me a terrible headache, what I like to call the eyebrow headache, and my eye sockets were on fire.
We are still trying to get our Quickbooks up and running, and I needed to do some bills. I forgot to enter check numbers on the computer, so we had to open the bills I had completed, only to find I forgot to sign the checks. I needed to go home. And that I did.
As soon as I got home, I got a phone call from a local florist wanting to confirm my address. Why would he need my address? About 20 minutes later was a knock on my door. “Hope this brightens your day, from the Make a Wish couple”. Awwww. It really did, since it was not the best of days.
I didn’t do a darn thing for the rest of the evening. I was just thinking it would be nice to just skip over until Saturday, since I had all my oral antibiotics to do again, including my beloved Flagyl, as well as my IVs. Dave brought home Chinese food, which is what I often use to tackle my “last day” protocols.
I ate what I could, but really didn’t want to overdo it because the more I eat, the more can possibly come back up. The grease seems to sop up a lot of the nausea, and at least keep me from getting sick.
I did my IVs, and they seemed to be dragging, even though the bags really aren’t that big or time consuming as a zithro bag or lactated ringers. It was one of those nights that afterwards, I was completely woozy and fogged, and the nausea kicked right in again. Gag. gag. I couldn’t fall asleep while I felt like that, so I decided to have another plate of Chinese food, which seemed to help. These are the weeks that the pounds pile back on!
Sleeeeeeep. Well, it was technically sleeping in, but it doesn’t count if you can’t fall asleep until after 2 in the morning. Saturday was my one day antibiotic break.
I immediately felt nauseas, dragging from the night before. It was going to be a hair washing day, but I kind of said screw it. It doesn’t look THAT bad, right?
I decided on a quick bath then headed to work. I was having a hard time focusing and getting everything done. I needed to prepare for the following day since I was going to take it off. Three IV antibiotics. Meropenum and Cipro in the morning, Meropenum and Tigecycline in the evening.
I got home really hoping I would do something, even though I was a bit disheveled and was not feeling well, since I knew the rest of the week would be even more like hell. We had sort of pulled together a plan of game night, or going to the movies with our friends. Well, plans ended up falling thru, and I got so upset, even though it was unintentional. They would never do that on purpose, and I know that. But I cried out of frustration. Frustration that I just can’t get up and do things on my own when I want to do something. Frusterated that plans didn’t end up happening. The world by no means revolves around me, but in my small world I really look forward to anything. A lot.
It opened Pandora’s box for everything else I was upset and angry about. A woman had a jewelry party in my name to help raise money for my health bills, and never gave me a dime of her sales. My “friend” who called me “family”, but had said some terrible things about me being sick, and lies and lies about me to everyone continuously, even though I had once thought our issues were resolved, and has disappeared from my life since, the fact that now people presume I am feeling a ton better, because my tics have calmed down. Life. Anger that I have missed being 25 and 26, now going on to 27.
It opened that box. And I cried and cried and cried. Until I had to take another Ativan and fell asleep.
That is not me. I usually would shrug it off and have Dave take me to dinner or something, we would have figured something out. But I think everything was just built up inside me, and I got set off missing out on a fun evening with my friends. I got up, and Dave stayed inside in his chair next to me, and we watched a movie together. It only shows that although I know I am so strong, this disease is really wearing me down and if there is a god, he is surely testing me to see if I will break.