I went to bed really late on Friday night, but was able to sleep in on Saturday, which ended up being after noontime. My dad agreed not to call me a million times on Saturday when I was at work the day before, but I think both of us knew that was just not going to happen. Ring. “I got the mail.” Ring. “When are you coming in?” “Ring. Ring. Ring. God damnit! After Dave made the comment to me, “your hair is really stringy”, I knew hair washing was a priority. That and laying on my couch for about an hour, trying to get up the motivation to wash my hair and take a little pride in myself was a priority. Sorry Pops, you are just going to have to wait.
Although my feet were still sore, I noticed that the redness and swelling had gone down, and the blueish color was starting to take over again. My big toe was still really sore, and my toes and feet were becoming raw, but the blisters on the tips of my toes seemed to have just about disappeared. I will take it. Between the plantar faciitis, achilles tendon pain, and the toes, it really makes me walk like I shit my pants, even more so than my usual pains in my legs, hips, and feet. So any improvement is really a blessing.
I was on my way to work… finally.. I felt like a human fireball. It made me so lightheaded, so I kept my windows rolled down in the winter cold. Thank goodness my drive is a very short one . As soon as I got to work, it wasn’t any better. Gahhh! Why is it so hot in here!!! Oy.
I did some dub work, then worked on the new Quickbooks program with my mom. She has a lot of her own stuff to work through, but she has been a lifesaver for me. There is no way I would be able to do everything myself. I am really thankful she has been able to help me get some of this stuff done.
After having a good spot to quit for the day, I headed home. As I keep saying, I won’t overdo it! But I think we all know that isn’t the truth. If I have any sort of energy inside of me, I take full advantage. I swept and gave the bathroom a good scrub, minus the shower, that is Dave’s job.
I officially offset my shower and hair washing in the morning. I was a oil slick between the cleaning and afternoon hot flash that didn’t seem to want to go away.
Earlier in the day, I got invited to go to an ice castle up north, but I was just wasn’t in the mood for going far, or being in the cold for that matter. It sounded like it would be fun to go, and was happy that I got invited, but probably not the best thing for me right now. Maybe next year? I already have plans to go skiing and snowboarding, since I have missed out on two seasons already. It is going to happen. Just you wait.
I really wanted to do something… anything, and would have even settle if it was take-out, but we ended up having a simple easy dinner in town. We were home early, and I planted my butt right back on the couch. Sore and in space cadet mode, it ended up being another late night, and I knew I would pay for everything the next day.
And I did. Today was a rough day for me. I didn’t sleep much. I got up feeling sore and tired..and sticky like I had been sweating all night. I miss taking showers every day but it is such a chore, and the risk of getting my line wet makes me worried. Not that I really have the energy to take a bath either. I was running really behind, so I didn’t really do anything to freshen up. Not even an attempt at makeup, but I think I still had some eyeliner on from the day before. Close enough. It’s work. It’s not a friggin beauty contest.
I got to work, and was already in a mood since I was late, which I know is my own fault. I did the regular work for the day, entering invoices to make a purchase summary in order to buy the products needed at the fish market on the cape in Mass.
I wanted to do some billing, since I will be seeing Dr J this week, and I got it all done. It takes me a lot longer to enter all the bills to be paid, since I am quite dyslexic. Everything needs to be checked several times. With our new program, I entered in every single bill in the wrong spot, so all my work was a bust. I started tearing up. My mom stepped in, and helped me delete all the records that were in the wrong place.
I didn’t have the energy to redo everything. Or the mindset. I was so tired. I was upset. As soon as I got out to the car, I cried, but did everything I could to get rid of my tears since I really needed to go to the bank to deposit money so I will be ready for my next appointment. I probably looked like hell, with puffy red eyes, but I really didn’t care.
When I got home, I curled up in a ball on the couch, with more tears rolling down my face, and Dave kept trying to tell me I can only do what I can, and I do the best that I can do. But that really isn’t good enough for me. If you knew me before this illness had taken over, this isn’t me at all. I am really bumming.
After laying on the couch for a few hours, I was able to get myself up and turn that frown upside down as much as I could, and make a gluten free pizza for dinner. I still wasn’t feeling great, exhausted from the afternoon, but didn’t want to think about it anymore. Dave was right. I do what I can, and I do the best I can. I hold way to high expectations for myself.
Dave and I flipped between Olympics and Law and Order SVU, and I tried to get myself comfortable on the couch. I seem to have a lot more pain issues when I have had an emotional day. Dave I think tried to cheer me up, and told me to pick out a few things from an online clothing store I like for Valentine’s Day, even though we don’t make a big deal about this holiday. I think just having him hang out with me inside made me feel a lot better, even though I didn’t really feel like talking very much the fact he was there made all the bad go away, even just for a little while.
And now the day is wrapping up. Well, wrapping up, but I know I will still be up for a few more hours. I hate being so damn tired and not being able to fall asleep. I was told by my doctor to not go to bed unless I could fall asleep, as the bed is for sleep, and not for staying awake for hours, tossing and turning. So here I am. Hopefully something good will be on TV, while the invisible bugs eat me alive. 🙂