February Part 17 – A Little Silver Linings

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I was a little out of breath in the morning but was ll in all feeling alright. Sometimes it’s the day after that really gets to me, rather than the actual day of taking antibiotics. Those who are Lymies know this is a herx reaction. I was pleasantly surprised the first day went well, and was not falling apart first thing waking up the next morning. Very pleasantly surprised. 🙂 I knew everything could change really quickly, but I was soaking in that moment. 

 

Dr J was right, things turn orange. My first morning pee was clear as day orange. LOL Too funny, I can deal with that. As long as my eyeballs don’t turn orange, then I will be okay.  

 

I was feeling pretty accomplished during work, even though I wasn’t there all that long before it was time for massage. I would have been there earlier but Dave used my car, and I couldn’t find my keys for the life of me. I was calm and collected, and gave him a call. I found them! Calm and collected? That isn’t like me. I would usually start bawling, screaming and swearing, and possibly start throwing and breaking things. I was in control. 😉 

 

Massage went pretty well. I was doing better for the week with a lot of my issues with my legs, there was a lot of tightness in my thighs, my guess in overcompensation of my calves and feet, and my circulation looked a lot better. 

 

At home I was pretty wiped out, so it took awhile until I actually got up to take a shower. My Tegaderm seems to be coming up on the sides, but I am not even going to worry about it. A little medical tape seemed to solve it. This seems to be the only bandaging that seems to not give me a terrible rash and blisters, but it is odd. No borders, and sticks all over instead. 

 

My microwaveable slippers were much needed when I got out. It has been really cold out here in NH, so although we usually skimp out on heat, there isn’t much of a choice since my pain levels seem to sky rocket when it is cold outside. Knowing it was a warm house, it was definitely just me. Dave and I watched TV in the bedroom, until he fell asleep. I just about did too, but as soon as I got up that changed. Thanks for kicking in again insomnia. No, I don’t mind staying awake until 2 a.m. I would rather be watching TV Land reruns and Lifetime movies instead of getting a good night of sleep. 

 

My body feeling cold and worn, I did just that. I didn’t feel like writing as I usually do just for a little bit every night. Instead, I just stared at the TV, not really comprehending what they were saying, as if it was a foreign language, until I finally could fall asleep. 

 

I actually woke up not too much later from my alarm on Wednesday morning.  It was a freezing cold day again so it didn’t help with any pain issues. A bath might have helped loosen things up a bit, but I took a shower the day before, so I decided to skip it. Whatev, good enough. 

 

My views of baths and showers have definitely changed since treatment. Once they were not only a  wonderful way to relax, I always had an extreme obsessive compulsiveness about being clean. Now I could really give a shit. 

 

When I was at my worst, I use to take up to six showers a day, and was always washing my hands, to the point I would get little slices in them. I remember in College, I had an environmental science class and we went out trekking into the woods to collect specimens to study.

 

 The teacher noticed I didn’t want to touch the dirt (duh, I have OCD), and took a big handful, grabbed my hand and opened it, putting the dirt in my hand. I was so angry and tears started to form in my eyes, but I wanted to hold it together because I know it is ridiculous. It is only dirt. But at the same time I think a teacher that sees there is a problem, it is completely out of line taking the approach that she did. 

 

It also gives me anxiety going wheeling with Dave, when there is a lot of mud. Sometimes because my mind forgets, it is fun and a rush, so I don’t seem to mind, but other times, the thought of dirt on my hands, in my fingernails, in my hair.. anywhere completely repulses me. I prefer rock crawling. 😉 

 

It was the first time I had run into my fellow coworker, that has taken over a lot of my duties on Wednesdays. It really isn’t his job, especially since he is a truck driver for us so he just comes in to help with some things in the morning like entering invoices, but he has really gone above and beyond to make things a little bit easier for me. I was happy that he is tall enough that as soon as I got to work, he unscrewed the lightbulb for me so my side of the office would be dark. I feel like I’m a bat or a vampire, having to work in the dark. LOL 

 

I was lacking in motivation but pushed through it.. as long as I could. I ran out of steam pretty quickly and decided to go home. That is one of the joys to be a bookkeeper. Flexibility. Bad on dyslexic days. But it really is the only job that I feel like I could handle at the moment, even though I do need help to get things done.  

 

I didn’t feel completely high from my Ributin like I did on Monday. Another plus was my B12 shot and the Ributin. Pink and orange. Kind of like a sunset in the toilet. Hahaha. I think it is pretty sad these little things amuse me. I really need a hobby. Knitting. A another puppy. You know, anything to keep me sane and not have my highlight of the day to be sunset piss. I guess my little Lymie doodle was a little more entertaining. It works. For now. Okay maybe it doesn’t but if you can do better, send me a copy 🙂

 

Leftovers and couch time, I took my Marinols and did my nighttime infusions. I seem to be tolerating things stomach wise fairly well this month, but I guess it is too hard to say. I will probably be singing a different tune pretty soon here. Positive vibes. Goosebrabaaaaa.

 

After my IVs, I was STARVING. My stomach was a bottomless pit. I forced myself to stop eating, partially because I was grossed out with myself, partially because my legs were rubber so I didn’t want to try to make another trip to the kitchen. On one of my trips back to the couch I ended up falling. Luckily, it was close enough to the couch I could save myself a bit. Yup. My legs are telling me to stop stuffing my face. No wonder I gained 6 pounds last month. I lost it all over my break, but I have the feeling it will slowly be creeping back up on me. 

 

Thursday would be a Flagyl and Diflucan day. No infusions, so one less thing for the day. I wasn’t looking forward to it but I am counting down the days this month. I am doing okay so far which is a blessing, and although I know the next week will not be fun or easy, I am going to get through it. Day 3 down. 10 more to go. 

 

2 thoughts on “February Part 17 – A Little Silver Linings

  1. You need a pair of my knitted socks! Your feet would never be cold again! My prayers are with you, even though we have never met, I understand…I am a Lymie with an invisible disease. Be strong….I am rooting for you!

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