I broke down and took my “off antibiotics” antibiotic, Minocycline on Tuesday. If I can be in a little less pain, it is completely worth it, even though mentally it makes me really angry. I don’t really know why, because everything really is out of my control, to a certain extent other than what I choose to do, eat, detox, and everything else, but I am guessing that after all this time I now feel like I NEED to be on an antibiotic to get some relief. Oh well. Take the damn pills and shaddup, right?
It was a work day miracle, I actually woke up when my alarm first went off. No grabbing it and shutting it off, no resetting the time, no having it go off for hours and hours in my ear. That is an improvement in itself. 🙂 I know it is only for a day, but I will take it. And my Dad, a.k.a the boss, probably really appreciated it. And I had time to shave my legs and cut my nails and toenails for massage, so I am sure Gayle appreciated that. A lot. It’s amazing how much I have a lack in care for myself now. Not saying that to be proud by any means, because it is actually pretty gross, but things change when your health is not at its best.
After a few hours of work, it was massage time. I definitely had some things doing on, with temperature issues and knots in my legs, which probably explains the alternating extreme pain and then rubber legs. My neck and back weren’t a whole lot better either. I thought that I was all “detoxed out”, but my nose was pouring, which means Gayle was doing a good job! 🙂 There is always extra room to detox, I am seeing more and more, even taking breaks. That seems to be when I have a lot of neurological issues, seizures, the itchies… all sorts of good stuff.
I felt a lot better after my massage, but still was sore. Grrr. Minocycline kick in anytime now. I plopped on the couch when I got home, and was unmotivated to do anything, as I was wiped out from the day, but forced myself to get up and make a nice and easy, easy being the keyword here, dinner for Dave and I. Gluten free pasta with turkey meat and a salad. Easy. But good. If Dave goes up for seconds and thirds, I know I did something right.
I did a lactated ringer once I was done dinner. I was mad at myself for not doing one the day before, and I was obviously still detoxing pretty hard even after a juice cleanse day and my massage. I found out very quickly on the plus side I was not in the least bit dehydrated. Pee pee pee pee pee. Pee a little more. At least this time I didn’t make the mistake I have been making. Okay. I told you readers I would share EVERYTHING, for the past few weeks I forget to.. ahem… pull down my underwear to pee. Seriously brain where are you?! Well, at least I can’t say I pee my pants. Silver linings I suppose…
In the evening I was having major anxiety. I really don’t know what was going on. I have these episodes that I all of a sudden and I can’t get thoughts out of my head. It is like a bomb of “what ifs”, worried about things that I shouldn’t really be worried about right now, or just plain having irrational thoughts. All at once. I start thinking my friends are mad at me or are sick of me, worried my parents are no longer going to want to help me, thinking Dave is sick of me, thinking I’ll never be able to live a “normal” life again and that I will never amount to anything or be successful in any way. I even have had thoughts someone is going to break into the house and hurt me. Anything. At least it was Ativan time, and my brain winded down just a little bit.
Laying on the couch, there was no comfort. My back and spine hurt, and my stomach was killing me. I think I am really having a hard time eating big or heavy meals now, hence the pasta, and I get so uncomfortable for the rest of the day.
I figured it was a little earlier so I would try to get to bed, but found myself tossing and turning for who knows how long, as I have found it to be even worse if I look at a clock to see how long I have actually been wide awake in bed when I am beyond exhausted. I was freezing, as I forgot to put on my fleece jacket (yes, I have to sleep with a light jacket or sweatshirt, and the thoughts still crossed my mind. At some point, I finally fell asleep.
Wednesday I was surprised that I also got up when my alarm went off. It was one of those mornings that I got all excited thinking it was a day off from work and it wasn’t. Oh wait. Alarm. That means work. Damnit. I realized when I got up that I completely forgot to take a bath and wash my hair after massage, so I had some work to do. My other work buddy was still at work when I got there, which was a plus!
I was pretty unmotivated when I got to work, as I was probably pooped from getting ready. Standing up to blow-dry and straighten my hair and take a shower really take a toll on me.
There was some things I needed to get done as soon as I got to work, but then picked at things to try to get my ducks in a row as my next DC trip is right around the corner. I remembered to print out my “Prepare for Your Appointment” papers, even though I didn’t end up filling them out. I am still trying to think of my main focuses, since you can only list three on paper (you can obviously talk about more at the appointment), but I am assuming they do that so you don’t give them a novel of your woes to have to sort though. At least this way, getting ahead of the game, I won’t have that feeling of panic the day before and the day of traveling, shaky and having Lyme rages at everyone and everything in my path.
I went home and did absolutely nothing, once again. I hate that there are plenty of things to do around the house, yet I can’t seem to do them. I feel like I am lazy, but I know I am not. I was never like this with my house. My car or my purse filled with receipts, yes, I have always been like that but I use to have an immaculate house. “Dr J.. my house is filthy. How do I fix it?” Issue one? LOL
Dave got the yummy pasta leftovers, since I wanted to eat light to not have the stomach pain. Green beans and tuna sounded like a much safer choice. Dave went outside right after dinner, so I stayed in and laid down, thumbed through some research I am working on. I didn’t get very far, but a start is a start.
I started to really not feel well as the night went on, almost like I am coming down with something. I frigging hope not. Swollen lymph nodes, that feeling you get before you have a sore throat, a slight fever, and it almost feels like my tongue is swollen. It was not an antibiotic day, so I am not sure what’s going on. I am hoping some sleep will fix it, since I am pretty sure if I get sick, it will linger for a long time as although it is better, my immune system is still shit. Maybe it is Mycoplasma acting up, but as you Lymies know, there is always so much shit going on you can never tell what’s what. All I know is I am going to be pretty upset if I wake up and was right, and that Kimmiecakes has a cold. 😦