March Part 14 – It’s About That Time Again

I was right, I got the phone call in the morning. I don’t know why I get anxiety about things I really shouldn’t be worried about or over think. It was a relief to set things up and get the ball rolling. I will begin physical therapy next week. Eek! I don’t really know what to expect for core strengthening or leg work but I am so ready to get back on track, and this will hopefully make me much stronger and have more stamina, giving me some functionality back. This has been a tough one for me. I miss out on a lot of things because of it, and I feel like it sometimes is a trigger for my seizures when I overdo it.

I laid in bed after I got my PT appointment set up, then took my time to get ready for the day. I took a longer bath, as I knew my temperature was off. My feet and toes felt like they were burning when I got into the water. This is the polar opposite from last year, when I always thought the water was freezing and my temperature would fall as low as the 95’s, even if Dave checked the water for me before he helped me take a bath. I think I was having circulation issues I was running a slight fever feeling like the water was burning on my skin. I was sore and weak, and had a hard time getting out of the tub. It is taking me awhile to recover from the trip, and the two lactated ringers are the death of me, but I knew I had to do two again at night. Ugh. I put on makeup, which I usually don’t take a lot of time to do, but it always feels good to really get ready for the day. Then my pills, followed by my B-12 shot.

It was a long walk getting into the hospital. I drove around the parking lot a few times to find something closer, but it looked like it was a busy day. Of course the wind started blowing on me, making my muscles and joints stiffen right up. The hospital forgot about my appointment, so it took a long time to get myself set up to get into day surgery. The old me would have immediately blown up on everyone and had a temper tantrum, but I kept my cool. It’s not like they were going to deny me a dressing change. Once I got in, I took the walk down the long hallway to get to the waiting room. I almost wanted to hang out there for the day, laying on the hospital bed and take a nap. I told H. all about my trip ,and she she thought it wouldn’t be a bad idea either for me to keep my line in, as it would be awful to go through this process all over again. I told her the nurse at DC gave her praise about how good my line worked and looks, but I think she already knew that because she is awesome. 🙂

I did both ringers again that night. One as soon as I got home for the afternoon, and after many hours of procrastination, I did my other one after Grey’s Anatomy. The two seems to be a lot for me, and I hate being hooked up for that long. I have no idea why, as I would be laying on the couch either way. It’s probably just a mental thing.

The two ringers did me in once again. I got up when I was done my second one to go to the bathroom, and my legs were complete rubber. I felt like I was going nuts again. I kept thinking about something happening to Dave. Dave getting hurt. Dave dying. How it would absolutely devastate and destroy me. Then thinking further.. Oh my god what would I do if something happened to him? He is my rock, the one who takes care of me! I can’t be alone! I would have to sell my house and move in with my parents! Oh Nooooooo!!!!! Hold it together Kimmiecakes. Don’t be a nut job. You can’t worry about the “what-if’s” in life.

After I got rid of my thoughts of the unthinkable, I felt like I kept seeing something out of the corners of my eyes. A big figure. It would move around the room, or be outside and looking in the windows. I clearly have a lot of die-off going on in my brain. It ended up being a much earlier night for me, being wiped about physically and mentally.

I felt pretty rotten when I got up on Friday. I slept a solid 9 hours without waking up, but it felt like I hadn’t even gone to bed yet. I could feel pressure in my eyes, and could actually feel my raccoon eyes.

As I was about half way down the road to work, I realized I forgot to bring all my supplements with me. I always put them in an empty prescription bottle and put the bottle in plain sight so I won’t forget them. Eh, I am not going to turn around, I can always take them later. You would think someone who takes literally dozens of pills a day, not even being on treatment would remember to take her pills. At least I remembered to take all my neurotropics before I left. That could cause major problems if I cut them out cold turkey for the morning. A lot of those medications you need to wean yourself off of, so just plain not taking them can cause withdrawal symptoms and even seizures.

When I got to work I plopped myself on the couch. It took forever to get myself working. I felt feverish, so I was pretty spacey, with a weird feeling behind my eyes, sore and exhausted. I wanted a nap. I hate responsibilities LOL Mind over matter, I got myself up and working, and stuck it out for a few hours until I finished everything I had to.

Keeping on track with the forgetfulness, I completely forgot to take my paycheck with me. It was motivation enough to skip the rest of my errands and go home. I was sore. I was tired. I just wanted to rest.

I figured I would skip the ringers since it was a long day and I wasn’t feeling well. Instead of the couch I decided to lay in bed and watch movies for the rest of the night. I was really looking forward to the weekend to sleep in, even though it meant only two more days until treatment begins again.

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