April Part 13- Downward Slope


For a Saturday morning I was up really early, at 8:00 on the dot. I know that sounds a little ridiculous as most people are always up around then, but this is a pretty good accomplishment, especially not having my alarm clock on. I felt pretty good in the morning. I wanted to get a few house things done that I have been slacking on, and a few “me” things. I vacuumed, as there was literally tumbleweeds of dog hair on all of our floors, and took a much needed shower. 


It has been starting to get warmer out, and physical therapy has left me pretty gross and showers are kind of a luxury as I don’t really have the energy right now to take them every day. I took the time to put some sort of a face on, and plucked my eyebrows that looked like caterpillars on my face. 


I did a ton of work when I was at the office. I figured it would be nice to get ahead, as even though I keep saying I am trying to get ahead, I keep creeping further and further behind than where I would like to be. It is stressing me out a bit. Okay a lot. 


Dave and I ended up going out to dinner with our friends for dinner at a buffet. As soon as we got there, I was having major hot flashes, followed by being freezing. I wanted to have a good time, so I decided to avoid my first signs of having a miserable time. I was actually fairly well behaved when it came to my food choices. Hot tea, California rolls, green beans and snap peas. I did splurge and have some crabmeat with cheese and a few stuffed mushrooms. Hey, you only live once, and I choose to be a rule breaker. 😉 


On our way home, Dave thought of the idea of swinging by an arcade to play a few games. Yay! Who says arcade games are just for kids? About 5 minutes down the road we took to get there, I had to tell Dave to turn around to go home. I felt the “wave”. The all of a sudden starting to get really light headed and start seeing black. Uh oh. I know now what my limitations are, and I knew I had enough for the night and I really needed to go home. 


I hooked myself up to a lactated ringer as soon as I got home. As it was the day before Easter, Dave made us watch The Ten Commandments on tv. He told me it was “just one of those things you are suppose to watch when it is on, like a Christmas Story”.. and so that was our movie for the night. We came to the conclusion we have no idea about religion, so during the commercial breaks we kept googling about Jesus, and about Moses. It made me realize I should really learn more about religion.. it sure wouldn’t hurt, especially when I pray at night, I obviously have no idea about who I am praying to or any story behind it. I guess I will add it to the list of things to do…


After my ringer I think I was herxing pretty bad. The lightheadedness went away, but I was starting to get a bit of a headache, and my legs turned into limp noodles. Time for bed. 


At around 6:00 on Easter morning, I woke up with my head absolutely pounding, and I could actually feel that my brain was swelling, and there was a terrible pressure on my eyeballs. I then realized I had completely forgotten to take my seizure meds the night before. Oh god.. this is bad! I had no balance walking to the bathroom, to take some ibuprofen, and of course my meds that I forgot to take. How the hell do you forget to take 7 pills before bed? Especially considering they are in plain sight and I have to walk by the pill bottles before I go to bed?! I do apparently. I took my pills, and went back to bed. I was almost in tears as I was in so much pain. I was pouring buckets of sweat and began to shake uncontrollably. Someway somehow, I was able to go back to sleep for a few hours before my alarm went off and I had to get ready for work. 


Work. Why?! Not today, not today… I felt better than I did just a few hours before, but I was hating life when I had to get out of bed. I could still feel a pressure in my head and eyes, but the headache seemed to have subsided. My legs were still limp noodles but my knees were reminding me that my legs were still there. My eyes were beginning to goop, so I was really hoping I wasn’t getting conjunctivitis, but then I realized I was tearing up before falling asleep again, so that could have been why. 


I washed my face in the sink and got dressed. No bath. I was disgusted looking at myself in the mirror. My face was all broken out, which usually happens when I stop taking my antibiotics, and I had huge bags under my eyes. I was pale and almost a light shade of grey. If I could at least not look terrible on the outside it would make me feel a little better about feeling terrible on the inside. Oy. 


I just wanted to get to work and go home. All I could think about was going home, even though I hadn’t even left yet. Dave brought me a coffee before I left for work, and I sat on the couch and drank it, avoiding leaving the house. 


It was a bad day at work to say the least. I was depersonalized, my hands were shaky, and I was ticking, doing my thriller dance, and stuttering. I was being a cranky asshole at work. All I can say is thank goodness I work for my Dad, who I don’t really think understands what I am going through, but he really tries to. 


It was one of the longest drives home that I have ever had to make. It was like my head was in the clouds, and I had no feeling in the left side of my body. My eyes were playing tricks on me, thinking cars were pulling out almost going to hit me when there was really nothing there. I wanted to pull over in a big parking lot along the way home, but before I knew it, I had driven right by it. I floated my way home, thanking Jesus that I really know nothing about, and dragged myself into the house and pretty much spent the rest of the day and night glued to the couch, bundled up in blankets. 


I had a little soup for dinner, as I really didn’t even want to think about food, and after that I hooked myself up to another lactated ringer. I seemed to start feeling a lot better after doing my ringer.


 I watched movie after movie with Dave, and talked to him about how his day went, as he went to Easter dinner with his family (it was a blessing in disguise that I couldn’t go), and although I was thinking it was withdrawals from taking my medications, he thinks it was detox issues and major herxing, as I was already going downhill way before I forgot my meds, and that I have really been pushing myself hard. Either way, it was a piss poor start to my week off of antibiotics, and I know I will have to report it to Dr J when I go back to see him next week. 


That night was a very easy night to fall asleep. I don’t remember any tossing or turning, and I was asleep like a rock for the next morning. All I was hoping for was for the rest of the week off I will show big improvements. Because right now this really sucks. 


4 thoughts on “April Part 13- Downward Slope

  1. Hey girl,
    I think we’re sisters in an alternative universe. 😉 Hang in there, girl!!!!!! 😦 I have had a pretty ugly week myself. Lyme disease basically SUCKS. But you aren’t alone!!!! If you ever want to vent about the bugs living inside us, don’t hesitate to ask. It’s always helpful to hear you aren’t alone. BIIIIG HUGE GENTLE HUG!!! ❤️

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