May Part 15 – The Good and The Bad

Today has been a rough one. Thank goodness I took a shower the night before because I could barely dress myself in the morning. It was really needed as I have spent the past several days sitting in the tub, with my press and seal wrap on, and just sitting there. Once I get ready and head to work, I realize that I just sat in the tub, and never even did as much as wash my armpits. Lol. Not attractive. 
I had to focus on patching up my dressing the best I could as it is falling off yet again. Oy. I have a love hate relationship with my line and right now I hate it. The red grey and yellow skin is grossing me out and now it is beginning to smell. Yes… Beginning to smell. Friday. Just a few more days.  I will have to detox more in other ways, although realistically there is no possible way for it to be as effective as the ringers.
 I need sleep. Desperately need sleep. This whole not being able to fall asleep thing is getting old. And annoying. It will definitely be a topic to discuss with Dr J. 
It was a pretty unproductive day at work. I reverted back to my tics and stuttering, and feeling depersonalized, feeling like I am floating above myself, and I am now wondering if I was talking abnormally loud or if I was really making any sense. My Dad told me I looked “droopy” and felt my forehead, telling me I feel warm. My temp was 99.8 so he would be correct. My body is fighting the bugs. Or my skin…
I’m home now, and I wish I could fall asleep at least for a little bit. Maybe this evening when Dave watches the news I will be able to pass out for a little bit. The depressing and repetitive news tends to make me pretty tired. 
As for now a Greys marathon is on and I am under my 3 blankets on the couch, trying to stay warm. 
This is a hard concept for those to understand about chronic illness, or invisible illnesses..although mine is not totally invisible it is certainly getting there. 
There are good days and bad days. Just because I accomplished a lot in these past few weeks does not mean I am cured, it simply means I had a few better days. It does not mean I felt great inside, but it was a better day that I could function.  
Then there are bad days. Today is a bad day. So don’t forget for those of you that know someone with an illness, from Lyme to Chron’s, to Lupus.. The list goes on, that just because there are better days does not mean they are cured. All you can do is to be understanding and hope for those to have more better days.
Tomorrow is another day, and I am sure it will be a better day, and I know slowly but surely more and more better days are to come. 


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