I felt naughty not doing a ringer, saline blushes and my heparin on Friday night.
Dave woke up to me having a seizure. It didn’t last very long, but I was convulsing and snapping my fingers. Hmm. This would he be the first time that I have had a nighttime seizure, and I will be mentioning it to Dr J. If I was to take a guess the trauma on my body was too much for me getting my line out. I don’t remember this at all so Dave will have yo step in and tell Dr J what happened.
Saturday was my panic day. The day we would be leaving to stay in Boston to catch our flights to DC. Everything was smooth sailing, preparing work for the next few days, getting clothes and toiletries sorted…until I was trying to print out our tickets. It wouldn’t work. I tried 3 different computers, one brand new, with no luck. UGH! Son of a bitch! And then came the waterworks. Out came the monster inside of me.
My parents were willing to help and I did nothing but yell and have a tantrum. My Dad noticed on the website you could use your iPhone for tickets and I started yelling at him, ” I don’t have one, I don’t have the money!”. I was being a wench and I needed a good slap. Even then, he offered to call the airline for me. I told him no, and that i was going yo have yo stand in line forever, and have to use a wheelchair. I think at that point my brain just started shutting down. I was shaking, all my joints and muscles in excruciating pain. I did apologize, especially to my Dad when I was leaving, as no one deserves that, but I just plain can’t stop. I hate myself sometimes. Everyone deals with so much for me and this is how I repay them.
It is always something, but that is life. Dave saved me from going completely insane by having everything ready, but set me into tears again as I couldn’t remember how to pack the toiletries and what we put them in… even though we go to DC every month. Ativan. Goosefraba.
As Dave was driving to about on I could barely focus on what he was saying to me, and I was depersonalized, feeling like I was a puppet in my responses. It wasn’t me at all. Just words coming out but I couldn’t quite comprehend what I was talking about.
We got yo the hotel and has a quick dinner, and I instantly fell asleep. It’s been a long few days, especially the travel anxiety and getting my line out.
I will be traveling to DC and I hope I do really well. I would love to go to a museum or two with Dave, although I know there will be naps in between. I am listing things in my head to discuss with Dr J.
Wish me luck on my travels and I will be able to do something fun with Dave! The past few days have given up on trying, but I am going to make it happen as it is an experience I really don’t want to miss out on.
And ready to board! Airplane mode! 🙂