June Part 8 – Fake It ‘Til You Make It

Unknown

Everyone I talked to yesterday morning said something along the lines of, “You look great today!”, or one had said, “You seem a lot peppier today, you must be feeling better!”. Nope, not even close. Without my verbal and physical tics present for the day, my disease is now becoming more and more of an invisible illness.

 

Once the pills finally rupture in my stomach, all hell breaks loose. I am foggy, and can hardly come up with a sentence if I am spoken to. But at least I look great!

 

It is one of those feelings now that I have that I feel like I am stuck in between, if that makes any sense at all. I want to be as normal as I possibly can and go back out there into the world although it is little by little, because I have spent wayyyy too much time on the couch, nearly two years, but it seems like it is assumed that because I am out and about I am okay. I just may look like I am a little hungover from the night before for the most part. I am so happy because it means I am another step toward “normalcy”, which is what I have been working so hard for, and making great progress to do so within this past month. It is nice that I no longer look like I am on death’s door.

 

On the other hand, some days, especially today make me wish that people could see how I feel on the inside, so maybe they will understand a bit more. I guess that is invisible illness.

 

By the time I got home from work on Wednesday, the combination of my 3 antibiotics and two herbal treatments had worn me down. I was shaky, lightheaded, and was a little bit off titer to my walk when I was letting the dogs outside. As soon as I let them in, I threw up because the nausea hit me like a sack of potatoes. Ugh. Not to mention my diet plan of Omnicef poops that is making me lose a pound a day now.

 

It seems like I can now hold it together a bit longer and have more control, so even if I am falling apart on the inside and holding back my ticks (By the way is is an awful feeling, as it is like holding back a sneeze or a loud fart LOL) and hiding my shaky hands, and concentrate heavily on walking, by the time I get home it is a whole different story. But hey, at least I look great! 🙂

 

I have still had a week with a bit of ticking and stuttering, mostly at night, but that was likely due to my seizure med mix up and seizure on Sunday afternoon so my brain is probably a little haywire , but luckily it seems that unless I have a specific trigger, like lights (I am now getting more sensitive now taking the Omnicef), or stress, I am doing alright. Invisible.

 

Luckily some of the feelings subsided and I ended up having an alright night. I have gotten the pups two big dog bones to keep them occupied when I am out of commission. It seems to be working, as house training a puppy can be really difficult and mommy just needs to lay down, so I can’t watch him like a hawk as I should be. Knock on wood, no accidents in the house yesterday! Yayyy. 😉

 

Today is my beloved Flagyl and Diflucan day. I always procrastinate taking these pills, as as soon as the metallic taste of Flagyl hits my stomach, it makes me want to yack.

 

One hour. All I have is an hour before these pills will hit me like a ton of bricks. I had to stop by Dr S’s to pick up some glutamine powder, to try to make my gut a little happier, and “the wave” began to come over me talking to his office manager for a little bit. I decided I would try to go to work for a little bit to work on a government report that needs to be done, even though I highly doubted I would accomplish very much.

 

Driving to work, I completely forgot where I was going. I had no idea what road I was on, and was in a panic. Where the fuck am I? Oh shit oh shit. Oh wait.. I am going to work. Phew.

 

Then it got interesting. I saw the stop sign ahead, and I immediately stopped, although it was about a football field length ahead of me. LOL Once I figured it out, I proceeded to to go the real stop sign, and I did finally make it to work. The people behind me probably thought I had quite the liquid lunch. I would have to say my perception is quite off.

 

Here I am, doing a little bit of writing at work. See? I told you I wouldn’t really be very productive. I did get a couple small things done however, and I got to raid the fridge for food. 🙂 I am going to stick here for awhile until this obviously not okay feeling subsides a little bit, and then I will have to put a smile on my face for the rest of the afternoon, I need to keep going with the puppy, and just because I need to keep moving and faking it as it seems to help me make it. 😉

 

Happy Full Moon! May your symptoms lay low today, fellow Lymies!  xoxoxo

 

2 thoughts on “June Part 8 – Fake It ‘Til You Make It

  1. Yeah, no one knows how a person with Lyme really feels. Just because they may “look okay” does not mean anything. Hope things improve and you get home safely.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s