Everyone seems to hate Mondays, but Wednesdays have always been my version of “a case of the Mondays”. I don’t know why, I just do. I got up and felt really lightheaded, so I hooked the puppy up to his rope and let my dog out and laid down for a bit before I started to get ready for the morning.
I was pretty excited that it was my last day of antibiotics for the month. Woohoo! I was getting really frustrated at work again, so I turned out to be pretty grumpy and borderline into a rage. I hate being like that. No one wants to be around someone like that. I don’t even want to be around me.
I had to drop my Dad off at a gas station as he was getting an inspection for his truck. He asked me if I was going to go back to work after I was done, and my reply was, “No”. I was exhausted from trying to get things done and all around aggravated, aggravated that I couldn’t seem to remember how to do some of the work that I have been doing there for the past 7 years. He then started to ask me why I wasn’t going back for the day (I was done everything that had to be done for the day, this was extra work I was doing), if I was going to work more hours now, most people work more than I do, etc etc to the point that it made me feel like a worthless piece of shit.
I know he didn’t mean anything malicious by it as he has been very supportive of me and he definitely cares, but not going to lie, it really hurt. It also hurt me because as I was just doing payroll for the end of the quarter, I was the one who got the least amount of “free hours” for the company so far, and I am the “sick” one. I do my best, as most weeks I work every single day to make up for some time, but sometimes I feel like I am never good enough. *Sigh*
It makes me miserable, especially this time of year as I would be waitressing as well, to not be working more. It also makes me miserable as I dropped my weekly income in half since I was diagnosed and went from 2 jobs and working sometimes well over 40 hours a week to 20. At least I was wearing my oversized sunglasses so he could not see the tears dwelling in my eyes.
I do my best.
That evening my hands were in full myoclonic jerking mode. Thrilllerrrrrrr!! I could see out of the corner of my eye that Dave was looking over his shoulder and watching me, but he never said a word about it. It is really frustrating to have my Tourrette’s like episodes this far into treatment. It is nothing like it use to be, but moments like that can feel a little discouraging. And I think that Dave knows that and feels the same, and that is why I never heard a word about it.
Right before bed I had a splitting headache. I was once again really lightheaded. While taking my last dose of Coartem, I held my empty pill container up like I was holding up a glass and giving cheers. By myself of course because Dave was in bed. LOL 🙂 I think some cheers was needed though, as it has been a lonnnng few weeks.
Thursday was the first day of my break. This break will be a week and a half, and it just doesn’t seem long enough! I will enjoy not having to take any antibiotics for this time, as I know, and already knew to not underestimate the oral antibiotics. They suck. It makes me miss my IVs once in awhile, until I remember the way my skin was rotting, or look in the mirror and see my scars, and my off colored skin that hasn’t gone back to normal yet. It’s getting there though.
I has a much better temperament at work that day. My Mom helped me with a few things in the office that I have had a hard time getting done so I felt a weight lifted off of me. I then got almost all the reports done for the second quarter… and it isn’t even the third quarter yet! That cheered me up quite a bit from my useless feeling from the day before.
Dave and I went up the street to get dinner when he got home from work, and when we went home he took me to check out the garden, as I still hadn’t been out there yet, and just sat outside.
It was a weird night and this hasn’t seemed to disappear yet.. I keep getting these waves come over me that I feel like I can barely hold my head up. It is like I lose all tone, and lose a sense of my surroundings. I think my body is just really toxic right now, and it will be for a few days. Juicing next week! Poop out dem’ toxins! Yay! Not really.. at least I feel better and more energized afterward.
Today went pretty well. I had another morning that I just didn’t feel good, but I still managed to get up before puppy did so that is definitely something LOL. The little bugger is having a terrible time staying asleep, but we have found a blanket over his crate has been keeping him asleep for longer in the night and in the morning. My little waves keep coming around and I just feel like I could go to sleep but I keep on pushing as I hate to just stop, as that is kind of a motivational block for the rest of the day.
I did some cleaning when Dave got home, painted my chipped toenails, changed the bed, and now catching up on my writing. Over the weekend, I think it is suppose to be beautiful out, I am hoping for a walk again with Dave and a nice little date night. I have to work so we won’t get an all day date, but I am going to enjoy it, as next week although it isn’t a treatment week, it will be crazy busy at work as it is the busiest week of the year for us: the 4th of July. Happy weekend everyone!!!! 🙂 🙂
He’s getting biggerrrrrr!!!!!