July Part 12 – On My Break

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A friend told me I hadn’t been writing as much so I figured I would do a quick post. It have been definitely going back and forth throughout the past few days. Sometimes I am functional, and others I want nothing more than to curl up in a ball on the couch and fall asleep. That doesn’t get to happen though… being a grown up really sucks.

At least there hasn’t been any catastrophes since Monday. Phew. I did however yesterday once again forget my seizure meds, but had just gotten off my road so was able to turn right around to take them. What is with me lately? I have been forgetting to take my supplements with me, as round one of them which is the most I take in the morning when I eat. How do you forget 20 or so pills? I have resorted to sticky notes with little squares next to them, so I remember if I did whatever I was suppose to do or not. I keep forgetting to bring that sticky pad home though. I may or not have forgotten deodorant for 2/3 of the week. Sticky notes. Au natural I don’t think is in these days. Or ever for that matter. 

Work has been going alright. I did have a rage episode about a particular customer today, but I at least knew to put my foot in my mouth (or however that saying goes…) as they order quite a bit of product from us. In my seven years of working at the company, I have never had such a needy owner when it comes to paying their bills. Emailing multiple people, having the drivers do the math on their packing slips (they are drivers… not bookkeepers), needing a list of what needs to be paid, needing monthly statements… the list goes on. 

What a friggin pain in the ass. I wrote a nice email that we would gladly do their requests with a smiley face, but in my mind their reply back would be “How about you go fuck yourself?” Maybe that is why I am not a business owner. LOL At least I had the mindset that “the customer is always right”, even though the customer can definitely be a moron. Oy. The remanence of dealing with this simple stress of work left me with blurry eyes, joint and muscle pain. The customer is always right, the customer is always right…

Anyway, massage definitely hurt, but I felt a lot better afterward. My neck and back were pretty big issues along with my feet. I think Dave’s magic work the other day helped my legs and thighs as they were a nonissue this week. 

I decided after my massage to pick some green beans and snow peas from the garden, and after that I was toast. Beyond exhaustion. I tried to vacuum but didn’t make it very far, as the belt broke.. I think. But hey, at least this wouldn’t be the third vacuum I have broken by throwing it across the room in a rage, which use to be a common occurrence of throwing just about anything in my path. LOL

I had Dave pick up all the slack on everything that needed to be done, cooking dinner and doing the laundry. At least he never puts up a stink about these things. I think he knows better though when I am okay and when I am not. 

For some reason I have not been sleeping as well as I am use to. I have always had a hard time falling asleep, which isn’t the case anymore, but I am waking up throughout the night, with vivid dreams or thoughts that are just overwhelming to me. Things that really don’t matter. Things that are just unrealistic. Things from the past that I wished to have never remembered.

I think with these things I have still kind of been in “blah” mode, but throughout the day I am a lot more upbeat mentally, which is great. It seems like this all strikes at night for me now. 

There is something I am looking forward to more than anything this weekend, an overnight at the ocean with Dave. Ok I am over the moon happy. It is my favorite place in the entire world. My parents use to take me here when I was a kid and I just love it.

We have been waiting for a time I was not on antibiotics as I have to stay out of the sun, and a time that I would be more likely to be up for the challenge. The walking challenge. The beachfront is 14 miles there and back, and my goal is to do 7. 7 miles. You got that, right?

 Dave and I will wake up early in the morning and I will try to tackle this. It will happen. It has to happen. This is my mental point that I am closing out one chapter of my life, and beginning another. Although I am still sick I feel like this will bring me to the “recovery” part of my journey, and past the point of my “very sick” part of the journey. Does that make any sense? I am sure you will hear from me before then but I am looking at my bracelet on my wrist, that says “Miracles Do Happen”, and this would be my miracle. 

I have been making milestones recently through this journey, and although I am still sick and have days I am pretty dysfunctional and downright useless, I could now label this as my recovery step, and the next step would finally be remission. I realize that I will likely be in recovery mode for a very long time, but knowing what lies ahead puts a smile on my face. You’ll all get there too. Promise. 🙂

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