I always tend to overdo things. It is just what happens when I am feeling a little more functional. I need to do anything and everything. Run errands, clean, work, run around like a crazy person. That was my Thursday.
Thursdays are my one and only day off from work, and I have been coming in for quite some time now, to keep caught up with everything and not have papers piling up on my desk. My Mom came home from their second home in Vermont the other day, and she offers to do some easy things like check my work and staple papers, but I couldn’t help notice her running her finger over the printer and looking at it in a little bit of disgust, as it was covered in dust.
Okie dokie. Maybe I should clean that up…
After a few hours of work, I headed home to start to clean, first changing my shower curtain. I was already getting tired, and almost took a dive trying to balance on the bathtub. I guess that is my own fault for not taking it down, but I figured it would be easier that way. Even the motion of looking upward and having my arms in the air made me pooped. I kept going though, doing everything I could to make the house look a little better. It’s kind of looked like a tornado struck for the past few weeks.
Then I was off to the vets to take Chance to get him up to date on his shots. I had the windows down on my trip there, as a hot flash was kicking in for the entire trip there. They forgot that Chance normally goes into the “bad dog room” while we are waiting, as he whines, barks, and freaks out wanting to play with the other dogs, making other dogs not like him very much. LOL. A puppy came in and he decided to try to jump up into my lap, clawing the ever living shit out of my leg, so I stood there while he had his appointment with blood dripping down my legs, until the vet tech gave me a paper towel and some sanitizer. Oy.
The vet was a little concerned that he has gained a lot of weight. 83 to 94 pounds in the past 6 months. What a tubbie! She told me it often happens when a new puppy comes into the picture, as the other dog gets treats all the time as well. This is true. As well as his Friday and Saturday trips to Dunkin Donuts to get his glazed munchkins. Oops. 🙂
It was a long drive home. I kept the windows rolled down, turned the radio up, and sang what I could. I was about to fall asleep. So tired. Dave took me for a quick bite down the road, as he didn’t want leftovers, and I slept until he got me up, then I got ready for bed and to bed I went. ZzzZZzZ.
Dave and I just returned from our little one day getaway. I have been looking forward to this for a very long time. It was suppose to be my birthday present, but between treatments and work, things were put on hold for the past couple months.
It is about an hour drive to get to Wells Beach in Maine, and we got to stay right at the ocean. We ended up getting a room without any view, as the prices were crazy expensive to get a room with a view, or a balcony. Whatev, we could just walk outside and be right at the ocean.
We hadn’t had anything to eat for dinner, and there wasn’t even any parking at the restaurant that we always go to when we stay in Wells, so we tried another place down the road. The for honestly wasn’t very good, and it was a very long wait for our food. Fifty minutes for a precooked brisket, and a grilled shiitake mushroom. I was getting pretty neurologically overwhelmed, as the music was really loud, there were a couple small tables around us, and I think the worst was the ceiling, as it changed colors and turned into little stars. Way too much visual and auditory stimulation. My little mind was ready to explode, and I felt really dizzy.
When we got done from our dinner, Dave wanted to walk around a little bit, but I just had to go back to our room and lay down. Once I laid down I felt weighed down, like I couldn’t move. We had plans of using the pool and hot tub, and maybe go to the arcade. None of that was happening. Dave didn’t seem to mind, as he picked up some candy at a little store next to the hotel and was content, but I could feel the waterworks built up inside of me, and felt a few tears stream down my face.
It made me so angry at myself for not being able to do everything we wanted to do for the night. I couldn’t even walk across the street to sit in a hot tub.
We couldn’t even do you know.. ahem. Sorry I am real. I share it all. Nothing has changed at all in the you know what department. I am lucky Dave is always more concerned about me, but it is emotionally draining knowing it is your fault that there is no longer that level of intimacy in the relationship.
I was just done for the day, and we had an early bedtime.
Surprisingly I was up and ready to go at 5:30 in the morning. Early! The little breakfast place next to the hotel wasn’t even open yet! We sat and looked at the ocean until the breakfast place opened to get a bite to eat, and then decided to tackle the beach. I needed to feel a little better about not doing everything we wanted to do the night before, so I was 100% determined to walk the beach. And as I mentioned in my previous post, it makes me feel like I will be in the recovery process of all of this, instead of necessarily being in the sick process of all of this, even though I definitely have a ways to go and the night before proved it. *Sigh*
I lied about the distance of the beach. Okay I was misinformed. BUT.. I walked the ENTIRE beach, which totaled five miles. FIVE MILES! 🙂 🙂 🙂 In the early morning I may add. After we did our walk, we sat for awhile, then decided to check out the tide pools and see if we could find any sea creatures.
The kids with buckets must have picked through just about everything, but we did find a few little hermit crabs and a regular sized crab. We held a little competition as to who could find more, and without being all that observant, Dave won by a landslide. He also spotted a seal (or sea lion) popping its head up in the ocean, so I would say he beat me by a landslide.
After our adventures we were both wiped out, so home we went. It is good to be home, and the dogs of course were ecstatic to see us. I am so tired right now. My legs and feet ache, and I have yet to change out of my swimsuit. It is okay though. I made it. I walked the whole beach. Not just half, which was my initial goal. That is amazing. I feel mentally amazing for doing that, especially from the discouragement I had been feeling the night before.
Good things are happening, even though they do not happen everyday, good things are happening more and more. I now think I could be in recovery mode. I may pay for it today, tomorrow, or the next day, but it is worth it. As time goes on, I know everything will get easier and easier, and the repercussions will be far less.
It takes time, and there are certainly good days and bad with this chronic illness, but I am getting there. 🙂
P.S. Do you like my hat? Oh I’m fancy, huh! 😉