August Part 8 – Mean Girl


The past couple of days have been long ones. I am still herxing from the past two weeks of treatment, and I am still paying for all of the housework I did on Sunday. 

One the plus side, my depression and levels of has gotten much better. I have gone from almost wondering to myself if anyone would miss me or care if I just disappeared, to a little bit of generalized sadness. I am thankful as this was probably one of my worst symptoms yet. Yes, being in terrible pain and neurologically impaired is terrible, but I feeling completely alone and having your mind play constant games with you, also causing an sense of paranoia is absolutely terrible. Nothing could stop these feelings, and it scared me even more because I am an optimistic and positive person.  It is a feeling that no one could possibly understand unless they have been there themselves. 

On the other hand, the Lyme rage has reared an ugly head, usually in the form of road rage. My town is a disaster in the summer. I live next to a lake that a lot of out-of-staters come up to during the summer. I swear they forget how to drive, as they never use their blinkers or stop at stop signs, and they do not understand the concept of using a crosswalk. 

I have been yelling out my window, “CROSSWALK!”, or had a moment when a woman went on a one way street the wrong way as I was going thru, and instead of pulling over to let her go by, I wouldn’t and made her pull to the side, while yelling, “One way you stupid fat bitch!”. She kind of mumbled, “I’m sorry”, in response to my rage. Yeah I know, I am pure evil. But to be fair I not only have the right part of my brain swell, I also have bugs eating at it. Oy. Foot in mouth Kimmiecakes. My apologies to you, lady who can’t read basic signs. That was not very nice of me. 😦 This is precisely one of the reasons that Dave has given me the nickname, “Mean Girl”. I guess I am still unpleasant talking about it now rereading what I wrote. Haha. Mean girl. 

Dave tried to get me to help or do something outside yesterday. It just wasn’t happening. I was exhausted, fluish, and my leg has been killing me from my sclerotherapy treatment last month. Generally if there is a side effect to any medication or procedure, I will have it. My circulation has been pretty poor, and the vein that I had removed has flowed to another dead vein, and has turned completely as hard as a rock. It is pretty uncomfortable and painful. While trying to get fit in for an appointment to get it looked at, I have been keeping my legs elevated and trying to gently massage the area. 

I was glad that even though I wasn’t constructive at all yesterday, Dave didn’t seem mad or annoyed with me. He laid with me on the couch as we watched a movie until it was time to go to bed. 

Today is another fever day. I have been running a fever at some point everyday, generally around 100 or 101. Running a fever makes me really foggy, and umm… feverish. LOL I kind of feel like I am falling apart when I am running a fever. My normal temperature has always ranged between 97.6 to 98.3, so it does a doozy on me. Hot cold hot cold. I am thinking this could very well be a Babesia flair. I have not been treated for Babesia in 4 or 5 weeks now. A VERY good possibility.

 Oh well.. big girl responsibilities, I still had to go to work. I will see if it goes away but I might end up sending Dr J a message to see if there is anything I should be worried about, or go get bloodwork done again to see if there is any revelations. 

It was massage day today, and I was completely looking forward to it. I am completely toxic at the moment, and I definitely needed some circulation and loosening of tight muscles in my neck and feet. I also enjoy chit chatting with Gayle when I go, as we both can completely relate to each other. 

I made a good dinner tonight, and I am now hoping for a bit of motivation to get some things done around here. Dave hates the way I paint, so I have gotten out of that one, but there is always cleaning to do, we have a sink full of dirty dishes, and the garden needs some attention. Blah. 

Maybe tomorrow with the extra detox I will feel a little less yucky, and maybe it will make my fevers subside. I don’t really think the two could be connected but you never know. I am looking forward to this so I can fully enjoy my break. A dinner without having to go sit in the car would be awesome. 🙂 Looking for some blue skies. 

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