The past few days I have kept busy. It has been the start to the longest break I have been on with treatment for well over a year, and it has had it’s ups and downs. I have been trying to do what I can to have a bit of “normalcy”, even though I know there is always a price to pay.
Saturday I woke up with a fever, and once again drenched like I had never dried off from my shower before heading to bed. I decided to push through everything and make the most of my weekend, even though it wasn’t a long holiday weekend for me, it kind of felt like it because I got to take Sunday off of work.
Dave and I went to dinner with the “Make a Wish” couple, to a restaurant we had never been. There were a lot of gluten free options, but I offset it knowing they had my all-time favorite beer, Shipyard Pumpkinhead. Like I said, I wanted a bit of normalcy, and after two years without my favorite beer, I am pretty sure it was well deserved. That is my justification anyway..
After that, we headed to a little hole-in-the-wall casino to play a little roulette. There is really low minimum bets, so that is a perfect choice for one that has a rather empty wallet. Standing for awhile, I felt my arms shaking holding myself up at the table, but I did okay, and I think those who looked at me would know that anything was wrong. Invisible illness.
This is my favorite time of year. I love fall for many reasons: the leaves changing, pumpkins (I grew two this year!), Halloween, and all the fairs. I have not been to the Sandwich Fair for a few years, as I have not been well enough. We played it by year as to how I felt, but I kept being positive and decided I would give it a go. Dave offered to push me in my wheelchair. Mentally I just can’t do that anymore. I would rather stay at home. I would like to think I am beyond that, it is just a personal choice I have made. Normalcy.
I had a hard time. I think part of it was from doing dinner and the Casino the night before, even though I got plenty of rest, but it is a lot for me. Shortly after we got there, I began to have a hard time with balance, losing feeling in my feet, and my knees were throbbing. I ended up having a mini meltdown, as I kept trying to lean on Dave or have him at least hold my hand, but he kept moving away from me.
I was lucky I had my sunglasses on, as I could feel the waterworks beginning to build. I was getting frustrated with my body not wanting to cooperate, and frustrated because I really needed help. I got snippy with Dave and told him that he kept moving away on purpose, and he apologized not realizing I needed the help. Men are completely oblivious sometimes.. Mini meltdown go away.. goosebrabbaaaa. With a little help, all was well with the world again.
I made it about two hours until we had to leave. I was done. Toast. My two favorite parts of the fair, my non Lyme friendly sausage sub with peppers and onions, and looking at the bunnies we accomplished, so I was okay with it. Walking back to the car, the neuro issues were kicking in, and my tics came back. Bah bah bah bah! Ugh. Yup. I was toast.
Within minutes from the time we got home, I went to bed. I needed a five hour nap to do some recouping. The rest of the day I was pretty groggy, and did absolutely nothing until it was time to go to bed.
Yesterday I had a lot more energy, and got a lot of things done at work, and then did a bunch of cleaning and organizing that Dave was begging me to get done for awhile now. I was pretty proud of myself, and kept bringing Dave around the house with an excited, “See? See?!” to every little thing that I had done. LOL Once again, it was time for another nap.
The rest of the week I will be focusing on detox, as I think the beer, the sausage sub, and a few pieces of penny candy threw me off. Diflucan. No carbs or gluten. My game face is on. I know it makes a huge difference, as I feel completely bloated, and my stomach really hurts. Almost like someone is punching it, mostly when I am laying down. I am being a slight hypochondriac wondering if I have an ulcer, but I am pretty sure the most likely cause is candida issues, especially considering this is usually what happens if I don’t eat right.
I finally heard back from my gynecologist about my referral to yet another specialist. She warned me that it could take quite awhile to get in with her, and it will be a bit off a wait as my appointment is in December. She kept apologizing to me about how sick I am, and that it is a long wait, and I told her it’s been a year, so what is another few months? Of course the non-period period cramps have been terrible lately, but good things come to those who wait, so maybe I will finally get an answer.
Today was a dub day at work. There was a lot of things I COULD have done, but I was feeling pretty unmotivated. I am exhausted. I know I shouldn’t keep pushing myself because this is what happens every single time. I will try to spend the next few days low key and just relax. Try being the key word here.
Gayle said everything was pretty tight, especially during my cranial sacral therapy and my Bartonella feet. I was also warned about making sure I keep my feet warm as my circulation is off again. Her work seemed to have helped, as I am a lot less sore and my swollen glands feel much better. I will be drinking lots of water with burbur drops and coconut water to keep hydrated and keep detoxing.
I hope everyone is having a good day! Happy healing.