I have definitely been slacking on my writing lately. Dave says I am letting my fans down. LOL But the truth is, I have absolutely no motivation to do anything. For some reason, my drive to do things has gone down, even though I know things are still (even though things have gone back downhill) entirely better than they use to be. Maybe I am losing a bit of the fight in me right now, as I keep feeling like everything that is going on might be in my head. I know deep down that isn’t the case, but when you hear over and over again wishy washy information, and no one can put a finger on what is truly going on at the moment, you begin to feel crazy.
I have been kind of in a daze, and have been having a really hard time keeping myself together. It had been awhile since I could actually take a bath, as my legs wanted to buckle from underneath me. Everything has been sore, so I think this winter might be a tough one. I am thankful for the beginning of this week, as the temperatures have gone up outside. A little less pain is a very good thing.
The jewelry party was a fun little break from everything. It was good to just relax, even though I forgot that a Lymie can’t handle much more than a glass of wine and ended up waking up in at least umm.. the sweater I wore… but forgot any sort of bottoms, with a giant bruise on my leg. Haha. That is a lesson that is hard to remember sometimes, especially when you use to go out, have cocktails, and dance the night away. Nope, I don’t think that will be happening ever again. I will however dance the night away when I reach some level of remission. It is one of those things that I miss very much living this nightmare. Someday.
Since it is my break from treatment, I have been trying to go out and do a few things. Dave and I had a non-Lyme friendly (not anyone friendly) dinner at McDonald’s and went to see the new Hunger Game movie. We were home by seven and on went the pajamas and the rest of the night was spent on the couch. I worked on Sunday morning, then went on a cleaning spree when I got home. My last attempt to clean last week ended up in my seizure episode, so I was happy that did not happen this time. I think maybe the burbur drops, juicing day, and Diflucan to try to get rid of all the yeast that is likely in me has helped to get rid of some of those toxins that might have caused it to happen.
Today was a long day of extreme exhaustion and my eyes have been bugging me, being sensitive to light (I kind of felt like I looked like the unibomber this morning, wearing my giant Aviators and a hoodie because it was raining pretty hard), and getting kind of blurry focusing hard on an object, but I managed to do some dub work at the office, run a few errands, and send out my 23andMe test out in the mail. I am not really sure what the test will test for, as you go to other websites to get more information than just ancestry information, but Dr S recommended it. Whatever it tells you, maybe it will help me out some. We shall see.
I suppose it is time to try to get up and cook dinner, and change over the laundry that has been sitting in the washer for a day already. If I don’t post again, I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving. Don’t forget all the good with whatever has been thrown your way, whether it be illness or life itself, and be thankful for what you have. There is always silver linings.
A post for things I am thankful for, which I wrote last year, but little has changed. Take a read, hopefully it will be a little uplifting and brighten your day. 🙂 https://kimmiecakeskickslyme.wordpress.com/2013/11/28/thankful-every-day/