Saturday was Dave and I’s wedding anniversary. We had gone out with another couple the night before for dinner, so I was in recovery mode for the rest of the weekend. It was a relaxing day, staying in, watching movies, and enjoying take-out. It was just what I needed, it was perfect.
Something that I haven’t experienced in quite some time has been driving me nuts: auditory hallucinations. Auditory hallucinations are when one hears something that isn’t there. Voices that aren’t there. Conversations. The other night I was experiencing a form of an auditory hallucination, a musical hallucination. I was hearing while laying in bed almost like a carnival or fair type music. This was rather annoying when I was trying to fall asleep. Why couldn’t I hear soothing sounds of the ocean? Ugh. The bugs are clearly stirring in my head.
Sunday I went to work, and came home with good intentions of going to the grocery store with Dave. He has been hoping for several weeks now that I would be able to take the trip with him, and disappointingly I couldn’t make the trip. I should have just tried to rest for the trip to the store when I got home, but ended up switching the laundry over, and swept the house. I cooked dinner. That was plenty for me, and I was just plain wiped out. I lost all my spoons.
Here is an article called “The Spoon Theory”, which hits the nail on the head when it comes to explaining living with a chronic illness. My friend shared it with me the other day, so now I will share it with you. 🙂 This way you will know what the heck I am talking about referring to “my spoons”. http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/
Maybe next week I will have a successful trip to the store with him. It would be somewhat mentally therapeutic to be able to get out there and do a full shopping trip, since I have been falling backward as you may know if you have been following my blog and have been more confined to home. I have high hopes this upcoming break from treatment will be good for me. I am positive about it instead of nervous, especially knowing how bad my stomach issues were last week. My tummy can use a break from it all. I think I can just use a break from it all.
Dave stayed up so I was able to take a full shower and wash my hair. I knew it was time when he said to me, “You are greasy today, almost like a french fry. Your hair is like spaghetti.” LOL At least he could say it with a smile on his face and he wasn’t judging me, he just likes to give me shit once in awhile. That is Dave. The whole shower bit has been quite a daunting task, so having him up in case I need help falling or passing out he can come to my aide, help me finish whatever I am doing, get me dressed and help me into bed. At least I was squeaky clean when I hit my pillow.
Today I started my 3 day round of Coartem, the last “hurrah” of my protocol. I am handling it pretty well, other than getting rather stinky from sweating so much, and feeling somewhat fluish. I am sore, and I am exhausted. My feet are numb but I still was able to run a few errands when I was done work. I went to my bank, the post office, was able to get into the store real quick to buy lemons, and went to the pharmacy to pick up a few prescriptions. I was a friggin rock star.
I received a text in the morning from one of my best friends, requesting I keep my back door unlocked because she had to drop something off. I was expecting Christmas cookies, since she is always cooking, but to my surprise I came home to a clean house. A CLEAN HOUSE. Oh. Em. Gee. I needed this. I can sit and not have anxiety that I am not able to get up and do simple tasks. I can sit and not have to worry that nothing is done around the house.
Her kindness and generosity ran deeper than just having a clean house. I am one of those people that never asks for anything, as it makes me feel like I am dependent on others (even though I still very much am), and makes me somewhat embarrassed. A friend being secretive, and not giving me the option of saying “no” to lend a hand was appreciated more than she will ever know.
It was a reminder that there is so much good in my life even though I have been so ill. Being sick is just a part of my life. It isn’t my life. It doesn’t have to be if you make that choice. There is still a lot of good and that is what needs to be thought of, even though it can be extremely hard to do this at times. These silver linings, kind people, and little things that make you happy are what you need to focus on when things are just downright rotten. It keeps you going and keeps you pushing.
Thank you for helping me in a very big way.
I am going to tackle making some rice and swordfish tonight as I still have a spoon, and maybe try to get a nap in this evening. At least I have one less thing to worry about today 🙂 🙂