February Part 6 – Those Four Words

Unknown

I am finishing up the last week of the fifth round of my protocol. I have been really busy, and really tired, emotionally and physically. There have been a lot of naps. After several phone calls, I finally found a huge discount on my three month Lupron shot. I was freaking out for the past two weeks, but I ended up getting my prescription on Friday. The prescription that I am really hoping will be my answer to my gynecological issues.

No more feeling like I am going to throw up or pass out in pain, the beginning of an intimate relationship again. It has been a lonnnnggggg time, and needless to say Dave has been beyond patient with this major issue of our relationship. Even though marriage is meant to be for better or for worse, I give Dave kudos for putting up with this terrible symptom of what the consensus seems to be endometriosis.

Friday was my last day of heavy antibiotics, and I had a lot to do. I worked in the morning, and with Dave working the night shift and having the rest of the day off, he offered to take me to Walmart to pick up my Lupron injection.

As soon as I got home from work, the bank, and my local pharmacy, Dave told me I was going to drive to Walmart. Um… what? I haven’t driven that far, about 30-35 minutes away, but I was determined to do it. At least I had Dave as a passenger, and he told me to at least try, and if I couldn’t do it, he could take over. I was having a bit of a hard time with controlling my speed (I was driving like an old lady about 5 mph under the speed limit), but made it in one piece. Even a drive like that wiped me out. It was completely draining. However, I made it, and that is all that mattered.

I leaned on the counter with my handful of coupons, hoping to get some more money knocked off of my script, and they told me to have a seat, as they could tell I was pooped and they told me it could take awhile. When the pharmacist called me up to the register, I got a grand total of 800$ off. Wowza! I still had to pay nearly 3 grand which is absolutely disgusting but shopping around was definitely worth it.

I called the doctor’s office, and they could fit me in to administer my shot. Done. I haven’t noticed much of a difference yet, except for the fun side effect of rapid weight gain and turning into a pile of sweat. That could possibly be Babesia, or could be menopause-like symptom of the shot. Having Lyme and coinfections, many symptoms overlap, so it really can be impossible to tell.

Saturday I went on a mini cleaning spree as I had a bit of energy (yay!). I changed the bed, swept, and vacuumed. Gold star to me! We ended up staying at home due to it snowing yet again, and watched a few movies on TV. Good enough for me, as I know that overdoing it seems to be my specialty. Doing what I had done in the past few days was really an accomplishment, and I feel like this second week has been much easier than the past several rounds. This gives me a lot of hope and is keeping me really positive that after these long several months, treatment is beginning to work.

Sunday. My emotional day. My “you really look like you need to get some sleep day”, worst of all, my fat day.

If you have followed my blog (you are crazy not to, I am awesome), you know my background of having major body issues. I remember when it all first began, an overnight 6th grade trip. There was a pool. I looked in the mirror and saw nothing but fat. I bicycled, watched what I ate, and obsessed about not being chunky in front of the other kids.

I have had periods of anorexia, periods of binging and purging. Periods that I was up to 6 Dulcolax a day, but gave up on that once I would no longer “go” even with that amount of pills. Times that the gym was a second home of mine. I also have had years of the polar opposite, eating piles of food and throwing back beer after beer.

My weight has fluctuated a lot in the many years. I have been from 180 to 115, back up to around 170, down to 105, up to 140 on the IV treatments, down to 128 when I relapsed, and have crept up to 130-132.

A read for you:  Lyme and Weight https://kimmiecakeskickslyme.wordpress.com/2013/10/09/lyme-and-our-weight/

I have now reached 138. A six pound gain in two days. TWO DAYS. One of the side effects of my injection that I have read to notify your doctor is rapid weight gain, so I am waiting it out, counting every calorie like I have done on my little notepads, and just seeing what happens. I almost think that this is one of my ways that I have coped with bad things in my life. Things I have no control over. What you eat is one thing that you can have control over, and maybe it makes me feel like I have more power. I don’t know if this is a just plain “mental” issue of mine, or if something like Bartonella, which likes to play a lot of mind games with me has anything to do with it. I’ll never really know.

Either way, I really hope I don’t blow up like a balloon. Ugh.

All I can think of is six pounds of deli meat. That is what I always think of when it comes to pounds. Deli meat. Deli meat sitting on a counter. Call me a weirdo for this analogy, whatever. This is what has happened in just two days. Gag.

deli_meat1_0

Okay. Now you are up to speed. On Sunday morning I hopped onto the scale, like I always do, and saw the six pound weight gain. I got on and off the scale several times, hoping I was just reading it wrong. Nope. Six pounds. Something like this is devastating to me. I whined to Dave, telling him I was going to get fatter and fatter. I told him of the horror stories I had read of people gaining over 50 pounds in their three months of having their injection.

Feeling down, I headed off to the gas station to grab my coffee and go to work. I saw a man that I haven’t seen in a long time, and said hello. The last time he saw me, I was skeletal looking, with my collar bones protruding, my face gaunt and fifty shades of yellow and grey, and a size 0-3 in my junior sizes. I know he meant well, but the four words that came out of his mouth broke my spirit for the day.

“Wow, you’ve gained weight!”

I know it was with good intentions since he had seen me in my very sickly looking state, but talk about terrible timing. A lesson to all you men: NEVER say anything about a woman’s weight. Even “you’ve lost weight” still implies that you thought she was fat. Still not great. A totally safe thing to say is: “you look good.” Keep that in mind boys. Girls too, who feel compelled to comment on your weight. I kind of wanted to punch him in the throat hole.

I pouted for the rest of the day, and bought all healthy low calorie foods for the week to monitor what is going on. I will be researching natural ways to combat water retention. Maybe look at moo moos on Amazon and put them in my cart and save them for later.

I am still keeping the eye on the prize, feeling much better, but this is driving me batty. I can’t help but think that maybe Lupron works to get rid of sex pains because you gain so much weight that no one would possibly want to have sex with you. LOL  Eye on the prize, eye on the prize.

Today is the first day of my final week of treatment, Coartem week. This week is either the worst week of all, or not so bad. Once again, I think some of my treatment is being effective, as I am not having a tremendous reaction to it. I feel slightly loopy and achy, but this is entirely tolerable. Goodbye Babesia? Wishful thinking. I still have a lot of symptoms of Babesia, but compared to days that I have sat like a vegetable staring at the TV Guide the entire time Dave was at work and never moved, this is amazing. Slowly but surely I know things will turn around.

Two more days until I have my 2 1/2 week break from treatment. Let’s hope that this break goes smooth, the true test of if there is a true improvement. I really think there will be.

4 thoughts on “February Part 6 – Those Four Words

  1. OH NO! Are you aware of the effects of Lupron? It is bad stuff! Lupron did not help my endometriosis, my pain, or my fertility as prescribed, and caused more pain, fatigue, and brain fog than I ever had. I have a good friend – not a Lymie- who is now also disabled- after her 2nd 3 month shot- she started having seizures. Please visit the FB group Lupron Victims, Taking action and read the stories! I’m Sorry for such a negative response, but I was in the middle of researching Lupron and trying to decipher what is Lyme and what could be effects from the Lupron when I read your blog, and my soul just started screaming NOOOOOO!

    • Oh no that is okay! For me personally, the benefits outweigh the risks to try it. I already have such an overlap of symptoms already, seizures, fog, etc etc so that isn’t new to me. I have definitely read some scary stuff. But surgery is something I really need to avoid if at all possible.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s