May Part 1 – Sweet Dreams

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It is the start of Lyme disease Awareness month! I have posted a couple things about Lyme on my Facebook, and by the end of the month I will probably annoy the heck out of everyone. But hey, if it helps others then it is totally worth it. I will probably be a few friends down, but whatever.

In honor of the first day of Lyme Awareness, I wore lime. Represent 😉
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The past few days I haven’t really done a whole lot. I have been sleeping the afternoons and evenings away. I have had a feeling like I am getting a cold, which is actually kind of exciting for a Lymie. This means that I actually have an immune system that is fighting off infection.

The other day, I had to press my heart monitor button again. I was in line getting a kale smoothie and began to feel really dizzy. After I pressed the button I used my blood pressure and heart rate cuff, and although my heart rate was 100, which I believe is considered completely normal, my blood pressure was 73/52. Yup. Looking more and more like a blood pressure issue versus an arrhythmia.

The hospital called and told me they received my short reading, and they reiterated what I already knew, that my heart rate was normal, but they still don’t have the full recording of the several minutes before and after the event. I decided I will wait until I have enough episodes to send in, as my last experience sent me into a panic and tears because the woman jumped the gun telling me things she really didn’t know about and my modem has its quirks. No added stress please and thank you.

In the past, I have had many nights that I laid in bed replaying over and over in my head terrible memories, people that have hurt me, and a very deep depression that would set in. A depression that would lead me to believe that life would be better if I wasn’t here. That I am nothing but a burden. That people don’t care and hate me. Intense paranoia. My mind would continuously mess with me.

I at least knew that these thoughts would go away (and they always have), and Bartonella was just rearing its ugly head. Every time I work hard at attacking Bartonella, this happens, and I have even had extreme night terrors and hallucinations.

Although I haven’t been on treatment in a little while now, I was in bed, and the exact opposite happened. For once, I had memories of good things that have happened throughout my life. Memories of my family’s yearly trips to the ocean as a kid, the little things I loved spending time with my Mom, such as her taking me shopping, making sure I got to see my Dad leaving for work in his delivery truck at 1:00 in the morning. I would peek out the window of my parents bedroom as I saw the truck going down the driveway.

He worked a lot being self employed, but he always tried to do as much as he could with my brother and I. He was my hero (I suppose he still is), and I looked forward to spending time with him. He would always do something fun with my brother and I. I thought of accomplishments I have made. Memories of my first love, memories of when I first met Dave, our first kiss, the day we signed the papers to move into our home, the day he asked me to marry him. Memories of all the fun times I have had with my friends. Dancing, singing, laying out on the lake and just talking, and before we knew it hours had passed by.

This was a big change for me. Why can’t my mind mess with me in this way every time I have a Bart flair? Haha. I guess I can’t pick and choose how things effect me. I will just have to keep in mind these positive things when my mind brings me to a bad place.

My body has been very sore lately, to the point it makes me wince in pain. My fingers and hands have felt like they are being smashed with a hammer, causing me to make a lot of boo-boos typing at work. At least I get squiggly lines on my writing program to fix my errors, and I am not dealing with product codes.

The back of my neck, where it connects to my head has been excruciating. I cannot find a comfortable position laying down, and it feels like it is full of pressure. I think this is likely due to toxins. My legs and feet instead of being numb, have been reminding me that they are indeed attached to my body.

I am a little bummed, my steri strips from my procedure finally came off. I was expecting a badass slice scar, like where my powerline was. Instead, I got a circular scar that looks like I had a giant zit. Fail. My skin feels okay, but it is still tender where the actual monitor is underneath my skin. I think it takes about 6 weeks for it to fully heal.

Midodrine. I think it is for the most part been beneficial to me, as I have been moving around a bit more, without as many consequences. I have had TERRIBLE canker sores. I usually don’t have them, but my gums are basically lined with them. I can press my hands to my face, and it almost feels puffy and swollen. I did a little research about possible side effects of Midodrine, and what popped up? “Extremely rare” : canker sores. Go figure. I have been using mouthwash and letting it sit in my mouth, even though it burns like a mother you-know-what, in hopes it will go away.

On the plus side, I decided to do some basic labs, as I have started this new medication, have had some abdominal pain issues, and have had jaundice, and the only thing that was high was my red blood cell width. Just borderline. I am not going to worry about it. No skyrocketed EOS, my liver enzymes entirely normal. Something is obviously causing jaundice, but I am not sure why nothing has popped up on my testing. If it comes back like it has, I will have to make a phone call to one of my doctors for advice.

Today is a gorgeous day, and once I finished up work, I headed home and sat out in the sun for a bit. Natural vitamin D. 😀 Nothing is more relaxing to me than string and soaking up warmth, and it wasn’t hot enough out to make me feel lightheaded and dizzy, as this tends to happen a lot.

This is my little break, as I have come in since Kimmiecakes is like Casper and burns rather easily, and I am planning on cooking a nice dinner tonight. I hope you all had a good day, and have a good week. I certainly am going to try!

One thought on “May Part 1 – Sweet Dreams

  1. Glad you got good memories 🙂 so the paranoia etc is Bart – i can’t keep them straight….i deal with that badly during moons. when i focus on my SSD stuff – i forget what i have memorized about Lyme & company. and so the cycle circles. 😦 I too get the nightmares yuk…all of it…and nothing stops them.

    Yay you keep posting on FB – who cares if they don’t like it.

    I deactivated mine for a while – no distractions while i work on disability review stuff on good days.

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