Unfortunately, there hasn’t been anything too exciting, or any great news to tell you all. Well, I guess that’s a lie. There has been one really good thing that has happened since I have written last. The depression, anxiety, and paranoia has really subsided, so I am much more uplifted, and feeling more sane.
I am still seeing bugs and figures out of the corner of my eye at night, but hey, it really doesn’t bother me all that much, as I know it isn’t real, and the whole depression deal is far worse to have to feel and deal with.
I have been tired, and feeling a bit bored and lonely on some weekends, as Dave has been working on his wheeling rig, and gone for most of the weekend. By the time he gets home, I am napping, or have no ambitions of doing anything.
I think he gets slightly annoyed as he tries to make it home to spend time with me, but I have a timeline of my day, and after that time frame things just seem to go downhill. He has been spending some time with me in the evening and nighttime watching movies once I wake back up, and even though we aren’t talking, it is nice to just be together and have him there. I think he likes it too.
As I have mentioned before, I have been dealing with a lot of pain issues along with my neurological symptoms. Generally, although I haven’t had major issues, or really don’t seem to notice them and have been able to tough it out, this is a fairly new thing for me. I am wondering if this is a good thing. It very well could.
I feel like a dosage of pain might mean that the neurological issues are calming down, and this is a step better. Just my thinking. I really have no idea. It could also just be something to add to the crap wrong with me laundry list. I am choosing to be optimistic on this one.
Gayle was fairly successful at getting my hips to feel better, but now my wrists and hands feel like they are being hit my a sledgehammer. Joy. I am really hating typing right now, but I have my fans 😉 . LOL I can’t leave y’all hanging. My Cipro foot has been back, for some reason although I haven’t done much of anything, I don’t think it has been quite babied enough.
Okay, I might of lied again. My mind is all over the place so you will just have to bear with me. Another good thing that has happened is I have been able to cook dinner a few nights. Chef Dave has been at it, but I really actually enjoy that 50’s housewife mentality of having dinner ready as soon as he walks through the door at work. I just feel better at least doing that for him and it makes me happy.
Even though I have been napping, I have actually been going to bed at a reasonable time at night. I think my body is just tired. Also, as I was on my antibiotic break, toward the end, my body is telling me it is ready to start treating again, and my break needs to be over.
There are only a few short weeks that I know will fly by until I have to go to DC for my LLMD appointment. I am currently still slacking on booking the flights. I always ue to be on the ball with these things, getting them done and over with so I don’t even have to think about it. Now, I get so much anxiety. I look at my appointment card, then the flights on the computer, back and forth, back and forth, thinking I will choose the wrong date, or the wrong time. Which I have done before. Haha. At least I have always been able to get it straightened out…. or usually Dave fixes my foggy brained mistakes.
An exciting thing happened this week, I met one of my fellow patients that also sees the same doctor as me. She has a cottage on a lake about a half hour away, and she came over for a visit. It is nice to talk to someone who can fully relate. Even though no Lyme patient is the same, we have had a lot of similar issues.
Last night, I went to Laconia Bike Week to pick up a tee shirt for my Dad. This has become a tradition since I began going to bike week. Two years ago, Dave pushed my in my wheelchair so we could explore. Last year, I made it a short walk, then we sat and people watched for a little while. This year sucked. We were maybe there for 10-15 minutes. Dave parked as close as he could, and I only made it to the very first vendor and had to sit down after for a minute before making the short walk back to the car.
Mentally, I just cannot use my wheelchair anymore. I just can’t. I like to think that I have made this massive amount of progress (I know I have for sure made a lot progress, but I am not where I want to be.. I have spoken to many others at the same point in treatment that are leaps and bounds better than I am, although I know I can’t compare, it is apples and oranges it bums me out), so I just do the best I can, or sit at home.
I know it is missing out on some things that I could probably be included in, being at least able to go to stores or something if someone was willing to take me, but I just would rather sit at home than have to use my chair. It is a symbol of not being there yet, and just angers me every time I see it. And so it collects dust in my second bedroom.
Well… today is the first day I am back on treatment. My final round. I was hoping for a kick ass start to my treatment, but that hasn’t seemed to happen. Maybe I am getting the bad day out of the way and I will be awesome for the rest of these two and a half weeks? Butterflies, rainbows, and unicorns. I am sticking with that.
I took my plethora of antibiotics, herbals, other medications, and headed off to work. You all know I work for my Dad, and I have a ton of leniency, as there would be no doubt I would be fired at any other job haha, but when I get there my Dad wants things done. I can’t blame him, after all, I am an employee and I have my job to do. And I do my best to do everything to the best of my ability and “mind over matter” things, even when I want to lay in the fetal position and be left alone. My job really has been one of the few things that has kept me sane, and have a sense of normalcy throughout this journey, so I can’t complain. I take pride in what I do, and it makes me feel like I am at least of some importance.
While checking our orders, I was ticking, and dry heaving. My wonderful thriller dance. I had that lump in my throat that you get when you have the potential of throwing up. My feet were bluer than blue, here is a picture of them now:
They are much better than they were, but still not quite right. My Midodrine is clearly not working today. We are going to ignore that I have been slacking not painting my toenails, the flip flop tan lines, and the beginnings of RA in my right foot, or so I was told. My hands and arms were a bluish shade as well. I could feel my heartbeat in my arms.
My Dad said to me, while I still had plenty of work I had to finish, “Go home.” I refused, and finished up my day, as well as took a shower while I was there.
I woke up this morning hearing Dave’s truck pull out of the driveway, and the washing machine going. DAMNIT! At my house, there is no water if you run both the shower or sink, and the washing machine at the same time with our water filter. Since I am overloaded with iron, it wasn’t really in the cards to bypass the filtration system to have water. It had been a few days since I have showered (I am gross I know), and between it being really hot and Babesia sweats, I desperately needed to shower and wash my hair.
I am glad to be home. Dave went grocery shopping on his own, as I have been cornering the walls and doors pretty poorly and hitting my arms, rocking back and forth even when holding onto things to stand, and stuttering like Adam Sandler in “The Waterboy”.
I look like hell, with a bit of Bell’s going on, and my usual right eye ptosis that happens when I am struggling. Yup, time to take it easy. Chef Boy R Dave might be cooking dinner tonight.
Wish me luck for the rest of the week, I will try to keep you all posted. I know I have been bad at blogging lately, but I’ll to my best! Hoping that this will pass and I will finish out strong!
P.S. I received another kitty tee shirt in the mail the other day. Not too sure what goes on in my Lyme riddled brain at night. Maybe I am trying to start a new trend. At least I look much healthier in this picture!