This past week was my final week of treatment of this protocol. In my mind, I was very positive. Butterflies, rainbows, and unicorns. After all, it was only two measly antibiotics. Piece of cake. No problemo. I must say, I really underestimated it. This week was pretty miserable in fact.
The entire theme of this week was sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. I was so nauseated from my treatment. It was one of those feelings that I felt so much better while I was eating, but as soon as I was done I really regretted it. I have accomplished pretty much nothing at work, but I make sure I leave with the desk looking a little tidy, at least having the pens put away, the stamps, stapler and calculator in a neat fashion. That is about as much as I got done.
I seem to get a lot of the fun side effects from my medications. If it says edema, I will get it. Weight gain, and my all-time favorite, “severe diarrhea.” Omnicef is just one of those drugs. On a positive note, I figured it would offset my slight weight gain from my new POTS medication, and it definitely did.
Once again, I had a moment of forgetting that I have been potty trained, and didn’t make it to the bathroom in time. Joy. At least I know that my legs are still working, as I have been racing to the bathroom all week. Underwear shopping will be coming pretty soon. I also once again BARELY made it to the bathroom with a bed wetting accident. I am not really sure what is going on. All I know at least is my stomach is beyond messed up. I know this a bit, okay very TMI, but, I promised you all, the good, the bad, the ugly… the gross. How is everyone going to understand this disease if you sugarcoat everything? Right? Right. At this point, I honestly do not care.
When I went to see my massage therapist, we joked around about my incident, and I assured her I wouldn’t have any accidents while I was getting my massage done. Haha. My temperature in my legs and feet are still doing better, but my lymph and connective tissue in the back of my neck were painful, and I know I was full of toxins. I am definitely having Bartonella issues, and as expected, with all the recumbent biking I did before, my thighs were pretty knotted up.
Between Wednesday and Thursday, I slept 30 hours. It is annoying only for the fact that I am not being useful in any way, but I know my body is needing it desperately for healing. Yesterday, I slept for 16 hours. 16 hours! Dave didn’t even bother trying to wake me up in the evening, he told me that I was out like a light. All of this sleep has been making me slack on my biking exercises, but the first thing you do when you are out of sorts and wake up isn’t exercise. For me, it is laying in a ball on the couch with my face smushed into a pillow. It has made me feel pretty guilty. The day before my massage therapy however, I did manage to do 20 minutes on the bike, so I at least feel like I did something at least, making me feel just a little less guilty. There is always next week. I will make up for lost time.
I have been a bit stuttery all week, and it took me forever to try to check some work with my Dad. My vision continuously blurred, and I kept hearing buzzing in my right ear. I few heavy blinks and after a few moments this would go away, but it kept on happening over and over again. That and the fact I was focusing on not puking all over the keyboard. If I had to guess, my Dad would not be overly impressed with me.
The second to last day of my treatment, I was extremely frustrated. I have been having phone problems. Unlike the rest of the world, full of technology, I have a plain Jane slider phone. To me, it really doesn’t matter. Unfortunately, when you open the slider part for the keyboard, I get a white screen of death, and several of the buttons on my phone have stopped working. Phone calls are only occasionally coming in, and are cutting out. Yeah. It is time for a new phone.
Dave and I went to the Verizon store, and I instantly felt like I was going to pass out. The lights were totally screwing with me, and although I wanted to look around the store, I couldn’t move. I just had to sit there, and picked the phone that was closest to the chair. Good enough.. Unfortunately, the guy was a dink, and wouldn’t let me get the phone because it was in my Dad and his company’s name, even though I am on the contract. Dink.
I think he honestly just didn’t want to deal with me. I had a little mumbly Lyme rage session leaving at the man. I was not so nice, but I am guessing I probably came across as a drunk, so I looked like the idiot. So I will have to deal with my phone for a few more days, until my Dad has a chance to get a new one for me.
Dave offered to take me to Walmart, which was right across the street, but at that point I could barely hold my head up, talk, or keep my eyes open. I wouldn’t have even been able to use a scooter to get around. I bet it would have taken a good solid two minutes until I slammed into a pillar and broke their scooters. Maybe they are really durable, but I don’t think they are made to be like bumper cars. So home we went, and I instantly fell asleep.
I have felt left out this week, I have noticed this more and more over time. May I be a bit sensitive yes, but I know this is just a reality that I face. There is no denying it. Dave has told me that he would be willing to drive me to and from to try to get me out of the house if someone wants to do dinner with me, or just hang out, and that was months and months ago LOL. Like I said, a reality I face. It is one of the joys that happens when you can no longer do the things you use to.
A good friend has told me one of the best pieces of advice I have ever gotten, “Did they wake up intending to hurt you? If not, then let it go.” I honestly think that people just don’t realize their actions. I made my peace with everything. It doesn’t make it stop stinging though. Oh well. I will put a band aid over it. At least I am sleeping through pretty much everything. You can’t have any more tears if you are fast asleep.
On the other hand, yesterday, one of my best friends, Amelia, happened to have a bit of time off before she had to go to work. She came over to spend some time with me. She is one of those people that we can tell each other anything and everything, give each other advice, and just sit and talk for hours.
She will just come over and sit and watch a movie with me because she knows that is all I can do for the day. I always feel like everything is going to be okay when I see her, no matter what is wrong.
As of recently, I have been looking into essential oils, especially now that I am on my antibiotic break. My Dad has about a million of them, so he gave me some to try, and gave me a book to get some more information. I got some advice from a friend that is into the oils, and decided to give it a go.
I am extremely sensitive to the smells of certain oils, and I seemed to not have issues with the oils that I have tried. Clove, wintergreen, peppermint, lemon, lavender, and a few others. I have Frankinsense, which I have heard a lot of Lyme patients use as treatment, but I figured I would wait on that one, since I have just stopped treatment. I put a drop on each foot with the oils, and put a pair of socks over them before I went to bed.
Today something very different happened to me. Although I slept for 16 hours yesterday and woke up feeling like I had never gone to bed, felt feel flu-ish and am in a lot of pain, I felt as “normal” as I have been in years. Usually in the morning, when POTS hits me the most, dizziness, lightheadedness.
I sometimes collapse, black out, pass out, and have to take baby steps from the couch to the bathroom to do anything. Brush my teeth, lay on the couch, wash my face, couch. Hit my heart monitor button. Can you imagine having to do this every single day? Let me tell you, that shit gets old, real fast.
Today something happened. Finally a moment of blue skies.
I picked up my house a bit, vaccuumed, used my recumbant bike even though it was just for 10 minutes, actually took a shower (I skipped the hair washing but whatever), and started to clean my car out. Anyone that knows me knows that this is a daunting task. Haha. I have about 8 zillion receipts and bottles on the passenger side of my car, enough that you cannot remotely see the floor. I went to work, and had to go to the bank for Dave. I was determined to do it all.
These are things that so many things people take for granted. I don’t know if it was my disgustingly heavy protocol that I just finished, my new blood pressure medication ( I am finally beginning to lose the weight from it.. Yay!!) , juicing to detox, or beginning to use the essential oils. When you are doing so many different things, it is hard to pinpoint.
All I know is, this morning was a miracle.Telling Dave about my accomplishments I cried, happy crying, and it makes me so hopeful that someday I will get most of my life back. I have been taking it easy and know there is a good possibility I might crash, I am already ready for a nap, but I am so happy. I really think that things can and will turn around for me.