September Part 3 – The Sky is Gray


Wow. I have been slacking on my writing lately. My writing time when I was keeping up with it is now my nap time, and after I finally get up, my legs don’t really want to work and I am still out of it so I just haven’t been keeping up with it. Sorry! Today is a Saturday afternoon, and I am still awake, so I figured I would give you all an update since I last wrote.

I have been kind of surprised as to how this break is going. I chose the title “The Sky is Gray” for two reasons. I always refer to my good days as blue skies. It hasn’t been blue skies. The second being, I have “California Dreaming” stuck in my head. Haha.

After a few days, the cloudiness in my head seems to fade a bit, and the herxing calms down. I don’t really know what is going on. It has been a tough time off of treatment.

The first day or so after treatment, I was actually somewhat productive. Cleaning, working, and my favorite was that I drove Dave’s sand dragster. Even if it was just into his carport, not going to lie, I felt a little like a badass.

Here’s me! Weeeee!!!!!

We didn’t even make it to dinner that night, which is kind of our ritual, but my body said when. It was a take out and movie night. I really don’t mind doing that, but it is nice to get out of the house. It has been three years, and I know when trying to do something is just a bad idea. Bad idea as in Dave has to carry me out of wherever we are. That is always fun.

I definitely had a case of the Mondays. Foggy, I could feel like my heart was racing, my legs felt like Jello. I was out of it. Well, my first stop for work is the post office to pick up the mail. I talk with the mail lady regularly, and when I was leaving I walked straight into the trailer hitch of the only car in that area of the parking lot. I completely slammed my shin (the bruising and lump still continues!), my flip flop went flying, I almost completely ate shit on the pavement. Of course, I pulled my muscles in my thigh and lower back out again.

Parked further down, a man was staring at me, and saw the whole thing. I had to look and retrieve my flip flop, my toes were all scuffed up on that foot as I caught myself with only one on so I was limping from not only that, but my back and thigh, and of course the my shin from slamming into the trailer hitch.

Then, I had to do the walk of shame past him, pretending nothing happened. It was embarrassing, and it hurt like hell. It certainly reminded me that I indeed do have legs, even though most days they are so numb I feel like I could take a chainsaw to them and not feel a thing. I am sure that probably wouldn’t be the case though. And Let’s not ever try that theory out.

Things that suck: when you are sick, you lose your brain. Apparantly, a few weeks ago, I fell for a “anti virus” computer scam. Giving a bunch of information… I don’t even remember everything, and giving them our credit card information. AHHH!!! I wouldn’t have even known, or remembered, if my Mom didn’t send me an article about the specific scam.

Luckily, our credit card didn’t have any charges on it, which is also a tell tale sign that it was fraudulent, since I had fell for the scam several weeks ago and I am pretty sure they would have taken out the cost of their “program” by now. Credit card account closed. Passwords changed. Everything I can possibly think of. I am still paranoid that every keystroke is being seen. Not much else I can do though. I am such a dumbass and cannot believe I fell for something that a half wit would have known better. Oy.

My massage therapy session I was hoping I was toxic, which would explain more of how I have been feeling. My nose wasn’t pouring, which would be a sign of toxicity, but my body was just plain sore as hell, and I needed some good cranial sacral therapy. I had spent the day stuttering, and if I wasn’t stuttering I was mumbling so no one could really understand me.

I think out of this entire week, Wednesday was the roughest. I was a fuzzy cloud, and my arms and legs felt like there was absolutely no weight to them. Like they could possibly just fly away. I was completely overwhelmed trying to get things done. The end of the quarter payroll being the biggest task. I ended up having to give up and go home. I was mad and disappointed in myself, I couldn’t run even the most basic errands on my way home. No recumbent bike. No cooking dinner. All I could do is just lay there and I kind of sulked.

I am not sure what happened yesterday but I had the same exact symptoms of POTS in the morning. At this point, I use the blood pressure cuff unless I black out or pass out to see what is going on, so I don’t hit my heart monitor button if it is just a neurological Lyme sort of issue. My blood pressure was 153/73. That is extremely high for me.. I think for a lot of people? Needless to say, I should probably cut down on my dosage of my blood pressure medication.

Today I felt a little better this morning. By the time I got to work I was really tired, but I did a bit of housework, and went to the gas station to get coffee and then the bank. I finished everything I needed to, but I could definitely take a nap. I really am hoping we will make it out to dinner though!

I am debating what to do with my next protocol. As many of my readers know, Daraprim has gone through the roof in pricing. Thanks a lot, ya big butt head greedy monster CEO.  I hear the prices will go down in the next month or so, as there was obviously a huge outrage as many people, need this drug. Cancer patients, AIDS patients, or people who are riddled with parasites (Babesia), like myself.

I will have to figure that out, and as I have the option as to when I start treatment again, I might bite the bullet and start early. But counting my pills, I am contemplating what to do. Hmmm… Pretty disgusting that anyone ill has to even try to figure out the course of treatment, or not get the best possible treatment, huh?

Anywho, that is my week. Maybe next week I will be sharing my treatment, maybe I will wait. I think my biggest concern is this has by far been the toughest break yet, and the reason why is a complete mystery to me.

Have a great weekend everyone!

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